When your boyfriend forgets your birthday, it can leave you with all sorts of questions.
At first, you can’t even believe that they forgot something as significant as your birthday!
For a moment, you might even think they are pretending to forget it so that they can surprise you later.
However, when reality sets in, and you realize that they have really forgotten your birthday, you start feeling terrible.
Instead of getting the special treatment you wanted, you didn’t even get a birthday wish.
Obviously, this can be crushing.
You might start wondering, “What happened?” “What’s going on?” “Did I do something wrong?” “Do they not care about me anymore?”
And then, you might start trying to figure out what to do next.
Obviously, your first instinct might be to get angry and confront them.
You might also want to cry and leave the house at once.
However, before you do all of that, you might want to consider the following:
- 1) See If This Is Their First Time
- 2) See If This Is A Part of A Pattern
- 3) Evaluate Your Relationship
- 4) See If They Have A Valid Reason
- 5) Tell Them That It’s Your Birthday
- 6) Communicate How It Made You Feel
- 7) See If They Apologize
- 8) See If They Promise To Make It Up To You
- 9) Observe Their Behavior And Actions
- 10) Consider How They Feel About Their Own Birthday
- 11) Consider How They Feel About All Important Dates
- 12) Remind Them of Your Birthday Ahead of Time
- 13) See If They Remember After Being Reminded
- 14) Discuss All Important Dates And Use Technology
- 15) Ask For Reassurance For Next Time
1) See If This Is Their First Time
The first thing you need to do is see if this is the first time that they have forgotten your birthday.
If you have been together for a while and they have always celebrated your birthdays and made you feel special, you can cut them some slack this time around.
After all, as humans, we do make mistakes.
Yes, it will still hurt.
But, a genuine mistake shouldn’t lead to a fight.
Maybe they aren’t even aware of what day it is.
Sometimes, as you go about your life, the different days start to merge into each other.
And so, your partner may not even know what day or date it is.
So, them forgetting your birthday doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore.
I am sure they will do everything they can to make it up to you.
2) See If This Is A Part of A Pattern
If this isn’t the first time they have forgotten your birthday, or if it feels like it is a part of a bigger pattern, it might be worth thinking about it more.
Think about how their behavior has been recently.
Have they hurt you in other ways?
Have they forgotten about other important dates? What about your anniversary?
Thinking about these will help you figure out if your partner has had a change of heart towards you.
It could be that they have been distancing themselves from you, and you are only now realizing it (because of the birthday fiasco).
If this is the case, you need to start evaluating your relationship with them.
3) Evaluate Your Relationship
If you feel like your partner has changed and you might not be as important to them as you once were, it is definitely time to think about your relationship.
You should especially do this if they keep hurting you in other ways.
Maybe they don’t value your opinions anymore, maybe they are hurtful with their words, or maybe you don’t feel loved and appreciated.
There is no point in staying in an unhappy relationship.
There are plenty of people out there who will love you the way you deserve to be.
Sure, you can talk to your partner and give them a chance, but if they don’t feel the same way for you, they will keep behaving badly until you finally separate.
Or who knows, maybe they will realize that they have made a huge mistake and will finally get their act together.
Either way, the larger issue will get resolved.
4) See If They Have A Valid Reason
This is where you give them the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes, you just have to think about it practically.
If they forgot something as important as your birthday, there must be a valid reason, right?
If they love you and care for you but have somehow forgotten your birthday, you should definitely figure out why.
- Could it be that they are going through stressful times in their life?
- Could it be that their life is so hectic right now that they can barely sleep or eat?
- Could it be that they are worried about a family member (parent or sibling) regarding their health?
These are all scenarios where a person can genuinely forget things in their life.
If that’s the case, you can be there for them and calmly talk about it.
5) Tell Them That It’s Your Birthday
Do you know what people usually do when their partners forget their birthdays?
They act passive-aggressive throughout the day and give no explanation for their behavior.
I think this comes from a need to make their partners realize that there is something wrong and to nudge them to figure it out on their own.
However, this passive-aggressive behavior is typically a sign of an unhealthy relationship (with whomever it might be).
It can also escalate things a lot.
The better thing to do is be straightforward.
Just tell your partner that they forgot your birthday.
Then, observe what they do next.
See, so simple, right?
6) Communicate How It Made You Feel
Of course, just telling your partner that they forgot your birthday isn’t enough.
As with any other matter, you need to communicate how it made you feel.
They need to understand that your birthday means a lot to you and you want to celebrate it with them (just as you want to celebrate all your other important dates with them).
So, tell your partner that you are hurt.
Tell them that you didn’t expect this from them.
Tell them that you want them to do better.
Of course, if they have a valid reason for why they forgot, as we talked about above, you can empathize with them and tell them that you understand.
However, if they don’t seem to have a good reason, you can express your pain and distress fully. Communication is key.
7) See If They Apologize
Now, after you have let your partner know that they have forgotten your birthday and how it made you feel, you need to watch what they do next closely.
This will answer a lot of questions in your mind.
Heck, it might answer questions you didn’t even know you had!
First of all, see if they are apologetic.
Notice their body language, their facial expressions, and the exact words they use.
The difference between a real apology and a fake apology is as clear as day and night.
You will immediately be able to tell whether your partner truly feels bad about forgetting your birthday or not.
And if they can’t even apologize, it might be time to have an open discussion about your relationship.
8) See If They Promise To Make It Up To You
If your partner apologizes to you, that should make you feel a little better.
Especially if they are clearly feeling terrible about their mistake.
However, just apologizing might no be enough for you.
If they truly love you and want to make you happy, they will probably promise to make it up to you.
They don’t necessarily have to promise you the world.
As with everything else, the intention behind a person’s words counts more.
If they really intend to make it up to you, you will know by the way they say it.
And once you do, you need to immediately go to the next step.
9) Observe Their Behavior And Actions
Apologies and promises are okay.
But they are still just words.
And in today’s world, words don’t mean anything.
As the old adage goes:
“Actions speak louder than words.”
So, your next step should be to observe your partner’s behavior and actions.
See if they do something special for you.
Again, it doesn’t have to be something grand.
Just a sweet, romantic, candle-lit dinner can be sufficient.
Since they are your partner, they should know exactly what will make you happy and what will help you forgive them for their blunder.
Just pay attention to their actions for the rest of the day (and a few more days).
That should tell you everything you need to know about them and your relationship.
10) Consider How They Feel About Their Own Birthday
Sometimes, there is a deeper and more serious reason behind someone’s actions.
When it comes to forgetting a partner’s birthday, it could be that they don’t like celebrating their own birthday (or anyone else’s, for that matter), which could explain why they don’t celebrate yours as well….
If that is the case, you should understand the reason behind it.
Again, there is always a reason why things are the way they are.
Maybe they had bad birthdays when they were growing up, and now, they would rather avoid it and not talk about it.
Maybe something traumatic happened on one of their past birthdays, and now, everyone’s birthday just reminds them of that terrible incident.
In this case, you should try talking to them and see if you can help resolve this issue.
There are several ways of dealing with past trauma, and you can help your partner do that.
11) Consider How They Feel About All Important Dates
This is an extension of the previous point.
You should consider and pay attention to how your partner feels about all the important dates in the year.
You can talk to them openly about how they feel about birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and so on.
Maybe they are the type of person for whom these days are not that special.
Maybe they feel that a relationship isn’t defined by a single day of the year.
Of course, this doesn’t mean they should forget your birthdays or other important dates.
They should still care about what you consider important.
Even if it is to just make you happy.
So, while you try to understand their point of view, they should understand yours.
A relationship is a two-way street, after all.
12) Remind Them of Your Birthday Ahead of Time
I know you shouldn’t have to do this.
In fact, any person would want their partner to remember their birthday on their own and do something special for them.
After all, these are little things that make a romantic relationship even more beautiful.
But if your partner is the forgetful type, or if they have been too busy for a while now, you might give them a heads up.
In fact, you could plan together what you want to do on your birthday.
This will not only help them remember, but it will also save you from the hurt (in case they forget).
Also, since you will have something planned, you will actually enjoy your day.
13) See If They Remember After Being Reminded
If your partner forgets your birthday even after you reminded them in advance, you have every right to be angry with them.
And this certainly shows negligence on their part.
When this happens, you might want to follow points number 2 and 3.
It might be time to have a serious discussion with them.
Let them know how their actions have hurt you.
Ask them what you mean to them and how come they forgot such an important date.
Then, depending on how they respond, you could either forgive them or take a serious look at your options especially if this means a lot to you.
14) Discuss All Important Dates And Use Technology
As a couple, you already do so many things together.
You might eat together, sleep together, watch movies and shows together, and so on.
So, how difficult is it to sit down and discuss all important dates in a year at once?
That way, both of you will know what the other expects.
And the room for mistakes will be greatly reduced.
You can also make use of technology.
You can mark these important dates in your calendar (on your laptop or phone), and you will never forget about them!
I think this is what you should do if your partner ever forgets your birthday.
Just sit them down, have a serious talk, and discuss all the important dates.
Then, everything will go smoothly.
15) Ask For Reassurance For Next Time
If your partner cares for you, and you care for them, you obviously wouldn’t want to end your relationship with them.
But you also wouldn’t want them to repeat this mistake.
After all, it really does hurt when your loved one forgets something so meaningful.
So, you can forgive them and ask for reassurance for next time.
In fact, you can ask them what they would do to not repeat the mistake ever again.
If you do this, they will understand just how much your birthday means to you and it will make them take steps to always make your special day even more special (just the way you deserve).