Have you ever been in that phase where you feel a deep longing for someone special in your life? Have you ever stared at the empty spot in your bed at night and wished that you had a romantic partner by your side?
Well, these feelings are normal.
We are humans, after all, aren’t we?
We all crave love… we all crave intimacy. But do you know what? A lot of people make the mistake of getting into a relationship just because they feel lonely. If you find yourself in the same boat, it’s important that you avoid this at all costs.
Why you shouldn’t get into a relationship because you’re lonely?
There can be many reasons for this. You might settle for less than you deserve, you might get involved with a negative person, you might become too dependent on your partner, your self-worth might deteriorate, and other reasons we will cover.
In this article, I’m going to dive deeper into these reasons and more regarding why you shouldn’t get involved with someone just because you’re lonely.
Okay, think about this logically for a second.
When you are lonely, what is your number one priority? It’s to be with someone, right? And how do you feel when you are lonely?
You feel a burning desire in your heart to have someone to love and be loved… correct? Now, when you’re in this state, you might not go about the selection of your partner like you normally do.
For example, let’s say you are the type of person who doesn’t typically date people who have anger issues. But when you’re feeling lonely, you might overlook this fact and date someone who has anger issues.
And what would be the result of that? Your peace of mind would get disturbed on a daily basis!
Also, when you’re feeling lonely, you might also have a fear of ending up alone. This fear might make you ignore the usual red flags in a potential partner and settle for someone less than you deserve. Suffice it to say, this is not fair to you.
Even if you get into a relationship with such a person, how long do you expect it to last?
Ask yourself… why do you feel lonely? It’s because you feel a sense of isolation or disconnect from the people around you.
You feel as though there is no one you can turn to for your physical, emotional, or mental needs. When this is the case, your desire for intimacy and closeness becomes much more prominent.
If you get into a relationship in this state, it is quite easy to become extra dependent on your partner.
You suddenly start seeing them as the source that will fulfill all your needs. Obviously, this isn’t healthy… not for an old relationship and certainly not for a new one.
If you start your relationship by being too dependent on your partner, it puts an unnecessary strain on the relationship from day one.
Your partner might feel a lot of pressure and that may not be a good thing for the health of your relationship. Also, when they are not around, you may feel dissatisfied, frustrated, stressed, anxious, or even lost.
Sometimes, your head is just not in the right place to make the right decisions in life. And one of those times is when you’re feeling lonely.
That’s because your need for companionship and intimacy becomes so strong that nothing else matters to you. You become single-minded, which is not a good thing in this case.
So, for instance, you might rush into a relationship with someone, even though you should take your time and go on more dates with them. You might even make promises to your potential partner that you might not be able to fulfill in the future. Things like these could lead to heartbreak in the future… not only for you but for your partner as well.
Look, the point is, when you are lonely, you are so eager for a relationship that you might make fundamental mistakes while getting into the relationship. And any bond that is based on these types of mistakes is not likely to last.
So, in the end, things would be more painful than if you had just remained alone.
Just because you are lonely doesn’t mean you are ready for a relationship. I know this might be too harsh to hear, but sometimes, that’s just how it is.
I mean, let’s take an example to understand this better.
Let’s say you have a deep desire to become a parent. But if you are not financially sound or might not have the required level of maturity, do you think you are ready to be a parent? No, right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a child, but you also need to look at things rationally. Otherwise, your very own desires might end up hurting you in the future.
As far as a relationship is concerned, not being ready could obviously lead to problems from the very beginning. You might not feel comfortable sharing a considerable amount of time and energy with someone else, or you might not be at that stage where you can be a true companion to someone in every sense of the word!
Compatibility is one of the most important factors to consider when you’re looking to get into a relationship with someone.
If you want it to last a long time, potentially your whole life, you need to make sure that your partner is compatible with you in as many ways as possible. Otherwise, the relationship will be rife with fights, arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings, and so on.
Now, as I mentioned above, when you are lonely, your desire to be with someone is very strong. So strong that you might totally discount compatibility issues. Your emotional side becomes so intense that it completely overshadows your rational side.
As such, you might end up being with someone who is just not right for you. In the beginning, you might not see it.
But as the days go by, this becomes readily clear. And then, you have no option but to regret and end things with the other person.
Most people have emotional issues that they need to address and heal from.
After all, we all go through so many heartaches, bad experiences, betrayals, and so on that leave a mark on our souls. When you are lonely, these emotional wounds can intensify and cause much more pain than usual.
In vulnerable times like these, you might become even more desperate to be with someone. Your mind might make you believe that having someone to love in your life will magically solve all your problems and make you happy again. You might even want to be with someone to completely avoid dealing with emotional healing.
Look, a relationship is not a refuge. If you use it as a distraction from your pain, your emotional wounds will only get worse as time goes by.
Not only that, these wounds will start affecting the health of your relationship with your partner.
It is no secret that the world is full of people who are always trying to take advantage of other people.
They are like blood-hungry sharks who are always looking for their next victim. When you are lonely, you might end up attracting such a person.
You see, when you feel lonely, you essentially let your guard down. As I mentioned above, your desire for a partner becomes so strong that you ignore all the usual red flags. This allows the sharks to enter your life without much trouble.
And what do they do after that?
Well, they use your need for love and attention against you. They use you in masterful ways in return for their fake love and care.
They pretend to care for you only until you are able to provide for them. Obviously, this is a tragic thing that can leave deep emotional wounds on your soul. It can also hamper your health, career, and finances!
When you are alone, your mind might conjure up all sorts of thoughts and beliefs.
It might make you feel like you are not enough or that there is something wrong with you. Anyway, in times like these, it is only natural that you will seek validation and reassurance from others. And a romantic partner is just the person who can provide you with that validation.
Now, this is not a bad thing. After all, one of the main purposes of a relationship for humans is to fulfill their emotional needs.
But the problem arises when your entire sense of self-worth becomes dependent on the relationship and your partner.
That’s because it could create a power imbalance in the relationship which could make your partner “dominate” you. It could also put a lot of pressure on your partner to fulfill your emotional needs.
Additionally, if the relationship were to end, you would feel much more devastated because your source of validation would be gone! As such, your sense of self-worth would plummet in an instant.
This might sound counterintuitive at first.
After all, when you are lonely, you “want” to be in a relationship, right? So, how can you possibly feel stuck in it?
Well, this can happen due to several reasons.
For one, you might start feeling, after a while, that you are in the relationship out of necessity, not out of your choice. You might feel like you are being compelled to do this because of your fear of ending up alone rather than truly wanting to be with the other person.
Secondly, you might feel stuck because you can’t leave the relationship even if things are not working out. Again, your fear of being alone will not let you end things.
Additionally, you might feel like you have invested too much in the relationship to walk away. This might not exactly be true, but your skewed emotions might make you feel this way. As such, you won’t want to end things and feel stuck perpetually.
I think most people will agree with this.
When you are alone, you are essentially looking for the warmth and intimacy that can only come from another person.
As such, when you get involved with someone, you might rush into physical intimacy too soon.
Now, you might wonder how this could be bad. Well, the thing is, the physical intimacy might come from a place of seeking validation and assurance rather than a genuine connection.
You might feel a temporary sense of closeness with your partner but it certainly won’t last. This will make you prioritize sex over the emotional aspects of the relationship, which will create an imbalance.
Also, if you think about it, you might use physical intimacy as a substitute for emotional healing. This can leave your emotional wounds unresolved and can have a negative impact on the relationship.
This one is a no-brainer.
The reason you are feeling lonely is because you think there is no one in your life you can share your thoughts and emotions with. You might feel like there is no one you can turn to for intimacy.
Now, on top of this, if you start dating and get rejected, this will hit you harder.
After all, your brain will reinforce your negative beliefs that you indeed don’t have anyone to love in your life. It might even make you feel like you are not worth it. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and a decline in self-esteem.
Also, if you do get into a relationship, and it doesn’t work out for your partner, they might leave you.
Again, here too, your fear of being alone will immediately show up and hurt you badly. This can also lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness toward your partner and maybe toward your own self too!
There are many sources of fulfillment in life. Your career, finances, social service, spirituality, religion, relationship, etc. are all different areas where you can make progress to feel like you have lived a worthwhile life.
However, when you are alone, your sole focus remains anchored in romantic relationships.
Again, it is not a wrong thing to focus on finding a partner for yourself. After all, romantic relationships are indeed one of the most important areas of life for a human being. But making that the only focus of your life to find fulfillment is not a healthy thing to do. I mean, think about all the stuff you would be missing out on!
In fact, this can make matters worse. When you overlook other sources of fulfillment, those areas tend to suffer. For instance, if you ignore your finances or career, your progress in these areas can halt. This would be devastating for your day-to-day life!
check ou article about happiness vs fulfillment HERE.
When you are feeling lonely, all you want is a relationship.
As such, you might spend a considerable amount of time daydreaming about all the stuff you will do with your partner and all the things they will do for you.
Basically, you are creating a list of expectations in your mind.
Typically, loneliness can lead to wildly unrealistic expectations. That’s because you are creating these expectations from a place of desperation and a deep emotional void. So, you might need grand gestures from your partner to fulfill all your emotional needs.
Needless to say, this skewed sense of expectations can hamper the relationship. For one, it can put unnecessary pressure on your partner.
And even if they do everything they can possibly do, you might still not feel satisfied in the relationship! This is certainly not fair to them. And eventually, this can lead to the end of the relationship.
This is similar to the point about fulfillment but here I’m going to focus on personal growth.
You see, when you are solely focused on your romantic relationship or wanting to be with someone, you might overlook the countless ways you can build a better version of yourself.
For instance, you might not spend enough time on your hobbies or interests. This may keep you from learning new skills or important life lessons. You might also not spend as much time with other people in your life as you should.
This can also keep you from growing personally because the interactions we have with other people definitely contribute to our growth.
Plus, if you rely on your relationship for a sense of security, you will not want to step outside your comfort zone. This will limit you and keep you from learning from exciting challenges.
This is sort of a culmination of all the above points.
I’ve already talked about the several ways your loneliness and desperation for a partner could harm your relationship with them. I have also talked about the scenarios that could lead to the end of your relationship with them.
Basically, the point I have been trying to make is that loneliness is not the right place to be in for a romantic relationship. Due to your intensified emotions and a decline in rational thinking, you might take decisions that will only hurt you and your partner in the future.
So, you should first try to be happy with your own company before you start looking for a partner. Make sure you are confident and secure within yourself before you decide to make someone a significant part of your life. That is the only way you can ensure prolonged happiness and fulfillment in your relationship.