Human relationships are really something else, aren’t they?
Especially when it comes to the romantic ones. Have you ever thought about this?
There is something about two people in love that you just can’t put into words. They share a special bond, are willing to do anything for each other, and stick together through the many ups and downs of life.
It is truly a remarkable thing, and maybe that’s why we all have this deep desire to find someone we can have such a beautiful relationship with.
But that’s not all, though. These relationships also give you an idea of the depth of love and compassion that we humans are capable of.
Imagine if we were this loving and caring with everyone in the world! Wouldn’t it change overnight?
Anyway, good things are often accompanied by bad ones.
Maybe that’s just the universe’s way of maintaining balance!
Your romantic relationship, no matter how awesome it is right now, or how great it started out as, can become stressful over time.
I am sure this is not a foreign concept to you, right?
We have all experienced our relationships enter a rocky period. In some cases, however, things can get really sour, and that gives birth to what is known as a toxic relationship.
- What Is A Toxic Relationship?
- Why Do Relationships Become Toxic?
- 19 Ways To Fix A Toxic Relationship
- 1) Stop Adding Fuel To The Fire
- 2) Set Boundaries
- 3) Understand Behavioral Patterns
- 4) Know That The Problem Might Not Be The Actual Problem
- 5) Be Emotionally Independent
- 6) Understand Your Partner
- 7) Stop Using Toxic Language
- 8) Stop Being Passive-Aggressive
- 9) Avoid Insecurity and Unhealthy Competition
- 10) Be A Better Version of You At Home Than Your Office
- 11) Indulge In Bonding Behavior
- 12) Focus On Doing Your Part
- 13) Connect With Yourself
- 14) Establish Healthy Communications
- 15) Cherish Other Relations In Your Life
- 16) Do Things To Stay Motivated And Driven
- 17) Channel Your Energy To A Higher Purpose
- 18) Don’t Give Up
- 19) Maintain The Changes In The Future
What Is A Toxic Relationship?
In very simple words, you could say that a toxic relationship is everything that a relationship should NOT be.
It is the exact opposite of what two people in love should have.
In such relationships, instead of mutual support, respect, and understanding, there is competition, resentment, and manipulation.
The two people are also not able to communicate effectively with each other, and this further makes the problem worse.
It is so surprising that a beautiful and loving relationship between two people can become so rotten.
At first glance, it doesn’t even make sense. I mean, how can two people in love do the exact opposite of what they are supposed to do!
But, this is life, and stuff happens. Relationships are a two-way street, and there must always be an intricate balance.
The moment this balance is disturbed, nasty things can start happening.
Therefore, it is important to understand all the different reasons why even a beautiful relationship can become toxic so you can prevent that from happening in the first place.
Why Do Relationships Become Toxic?
To fix something, you must first understand why it is broken.
This is only common sense, wouldn’t you agree?
Doing so may give you some crucial insights to take corrective measures. Relationships become toxic for so many different reasons.
As I said already, an intricate balance needs to be maintained where each person is contributing equally to the relationship. If not, it could lead to the start of something quite tragic.
One of the most common reasons why things turn toxic is misunderstandings.
Life can put you through a variety of situations, and you may interpret them the wrong way. These misunderstandings create small cracks in your relationship with your partner that may become quite significant over time.
For instance, if your partner is not picking up your calls while they are at work, you might think that they are ignoring you. Or when they start conversing more than usual with a particular friend, you might think they are cheating on you.
I am sure you know how just a small spark can lead to a huge forest fire.
In a relationship, a little misunderstanding can lead to some pretty deep cracks.
Some other common reasons for this are frequent arguments, passive-aggressiveness, not feeling loved enough, intolerance for each others’ bad habits or quirks, not feeling your usual self, being emotionally unavailable, etc.
No matter what the underlying reasons are, you need to start making amends. Otherwise, this will negatively impact all the other aspects of your life, and you definitely don’t want that to happen to you!
19 Ways To Fix A Toxic Relationship
One of the first questions that people usually ask is whether it is even possible to fix a toxic relationship.
Well, if it is possible for us to go to the moon, I say, anything is possible. I could give you a cliched saying like “Where there is a will there is a way,” but I’m sure you already know that.
Also, if you are in a toxic relationship, you need to be the one to take the first step to make it healthy again.
Most people keep waiting for the other person to make the first move, and so nothing happens for the longest time!
So, be the bigger person and use the following 19 steps to fix your relationship. Don’t you want to rekindle the love you once had with your partner? Well, what are you waiting for then? Let’s dive in.
1) Stop Adding Fuel To The Fire
If money could grow as fast as toxicity, we would all be very rich.
I am sure you must have noticed how easily one person’s negativity spreads to the other. This typically happens because people react to negativity with negativity.
For instance, if someone is being mean to you at work, you will most likely say something bad to them as well. Or, you will probably take your anger out on someone else. In both these situations, you are merely propagating a chain reaction of negativity.
The same happens in a relationship.
If your partner had a bad day and are feeling angry or sad, they might not behave with you the way you want them to. They might be a little rude or frustrated in general and you might take that personally. If you react to all of this with your own anger or frustration, that would be like adding fuel to the fire.
Do you know what happens when you add gasoline to a fire? It becomes much bigger.
So, what do you think you should do?
Add water instead!
When your partner is behaving negatively, try to diffuse the situation.
Look, you understand them best, and you must be aware of the ways you can help them relax and calm down. I mean, there is a reason why you two are together in the first place, right?
So, just be mindful of their needs at that moment and be a calming presence. Give them a hug, and take some chores off their plate. They will immediately feel better.
Also, try to practice mindfulness from time to time.
This is a spiritual practice where you are totally aware of the present moment and everything that is going around you. It makes you look at things just the way they are in a non-judgmental manner.
So, naturally, you won’t react to anything impulsively. Instead, you will make conscious decisions that will help you dismantle a negative situation.
You need to learn to take charge of a situation before things go out of hand. Don’t let it control you, be the one in control. Show your loved one that you care enough to respond with kindness and patience.
Your partner may not realize it immediately but they will certainly think about it later when they are more relaxed. Over time, they might start doing the same when you are the one experiencing negative emotions. Just think about all the arguments and fights you will prevent due to this!
2) Set Boundaries
When you are in love with someone, it only feels normal to want to spend a lot of time with them.
You want to create memories, share laughter, have fun, engage in hobbies together, and just be with each other as much as possible. So sweet, right?
But, as I am sure you already know, even good things when overdone can be bad for you. Do you ever take more medicine than is prescribed? Nope!
It is quite easy to become possessive of your partner or become too clingy.
In your mind, you might justify it as love, but in reality, what you’re doing is getting into their personal space.
Every human being has the right to have a personal space where they can spend time with themselves. Everyone has work to do and a life to live. If you keep seeking attention and violating their personal space, you’ll come off as clingy, and this will make the other person respect you less.
So, the best thing to do is to set up personal boundaries and be clear about them.
If your partner wants to spend some time alone, that is completely okay!
Don’t misunderstand that as them ignoring you or anything else. Respect their freedom of choice. In fact, expect the same of your partner as well! You, too, need time for yourself so that you can recharge mentally and do the things that you love.
Both of you can fix a time slot each day where you can be in your own space.
Another thing worth mentioning is that having too much of something decreases the value of it in our minds.
For example, if you love pizza, and decide to eat it every day, you will probably get bored of it only after a few days. Then, you won’t even want to look at it. The same thing happens with the one you love too. Spend too much time with them, and you might get bored with them.
That’s why so many couples say that they have lost “the spark” after being together for a while. If they only understood the simple way our brain functions!
So, do you see why it is important to spend some time apart by establishing personal boundaries? It recharges your desire for each other and keeps the spark alive.
3) Understand Behavioral Patterns
We, humans, pride ourselves on being an intelligent species.
But did you know that a lot of our actions, decisions, and thoughts are not actually based on logical reasoning? Strange, right?
Since we are on the topic of love, ask yourself why you love someone in the first place? Most likely, there is no reason, you just do!
Similarly, a lot of our behavior is based on past patterns.
We just do something because we have always done it in the past. When you’re walking down the aisle of a grocery store and see your favorite snack, you just put it into your cart! Some people feel extremely uneasy at the sight of blood, even though it is not their own! People run on patterns, and so do you and your partner.
So, whenever your loved one is behaving in a negative way, instead of reacting impulsively, take a pause. Try to understand if they are playing out an old pattern and what might have triggered it.
Sometimes people get distant when they are not doing great at their work. In this case, work pressure is the trigger, and acting distant is the pattern they are playing out. The thing is, they might not even be aware that they are doing this. So, if you react negatively to it, it might not be fair.
The more you notice behavioral patterns and their triggers, the easier it will be to keep your own negative emotions at bay.
Suddenly, you can become part of the solution instead of being part of the problem.
But you’ll have to be patient. Just because you understand that your partner is playing out a pattern, it might not be easy to accept it. Do it anyway. Remind yourself why you’re with them. Remind yourself of the promises you made to them about sticking together through life’s ups and downs.
Also, while you’re at it, be mindful of your own patterns.
Notice your own triggers and your immediate go-to actions and reactions. The more you notice them, the faster you can replace them with positive patterns. Let’s say, your partner saying something rude might have triggered you to snap back in the past. But now that you’re aware of this, you could take a more positive approach.
4) Know That The Problem Might Not Be The Actual Problem
Sometimes, problems can be like onions.
They can be multi-layered and, of course, they can make you cry.
What I mean is that sometimes what you consider as a problem might just be a symptom of a deeper unresolved issue.
Let me explain what I mean by this. If you have been eating a lot of junk food lately, it might be that you are actually stress eating. This happens when you eat food in response to stress even though you might not be hungry.
So, is it possible that if you have been fighting a lot lately with your partner, there is a deeper reason for that?
Maybe there is an unresolved misunderstanding, or maybe your loved one is still upset that you forgot your anniversary!
Let me give you another common example. If you get easily jealous when your loved one talks to someone else, it might be due to your own insecurity. Maybe you have low self-esteem, and so you automatically think that you are not as good as the person your partner is talking to!
So, what should you do in this case?
The obvious answer is that you study a problem and try to understand if there is a deeper issue at play.
You might need to really ponder because the deeper issues may not be that apparent. But once you discover them, you could start working on them.
For instance, let’s say that the deeper issue is low self-esteem. You could take steps to improve it first. All the problems related to it will then go away.
Remember, always treat the disease, not the symptoms.
Also, sometimes you might have to sit down with your partner and do this exercise with them.
Who knows they may have a missing piece of information that could help you get to the bottom of a problem at hand! Doing so will also make your partner feel that you’re putting in the effort to make your relationship better.
5) Be Emotionally Independent
Look, as I already said, our actions and decisions are not always guided by cold reasoning.
I wish they were (would save us all a lot of trouble), but unfortunately, they just aren’t. Most of the time, it is your emotions that are in control.
And so, your mood and behavior are dependent on how you feel.
The more positive you feel, the better your life is, and the more negative you feel, well, you know the rest.
Here’s where the concept of emotional independence comes in. It basically means that you are not dependent on anybody else for your happiness, confidence, or contentedness. If you’re emotionally independent, you are said to have taken charge of your emotional state.
You might say, “Well, I don’t depend on anyone for these. What are you talking about?”. But ask yourself, “Don’t you?”
When you are in a relationship, it is very common for you to expect your partner to make you feel happy and satisfied. You expect them to love you and care for you. And when they do this, you feel happy.
To a certain extent, this is okay. After all, we are all humans and it is okay to have some expectations from our loved ones. But the problem begins when all of your happiness and peace depend on the actions of your partner.
When that happens, your emotional state becomes subject to their mood and behavior which might fluctuate all the time. When you’re in a toxic relationship, it becomes doubly difficult as their actions and behavior make you miserable instead of happy.
This triggers a game of blame where each person is blaming the other for their own lack of happiness.
So, you have to learn to be emotionally independent. Find happiness within yourself. Find satisfaction in your work, hobbies, and anything else you do. I know, it can be difficult to do this. But it is a significant step in making your toxic relationship much better.
6) Understand Your Partner
Sometimes I just wish we could communicate telepathically.
Do you know why?
Because many times, we get these complex thoughts and feelings that we fail to communicate with words.
I am sure this has happened to you or happens regularly.
In a relationship, a lot of the times, this becomes the key reason for arguments, fights, or just dissatisfaction.
When you love someone, you want to be understood, right?
You want the other person to understand who you are, what you need, what you want in life, and be there for you accordingly.
But think about it.
Doesn’t the same apply for your partner too? Of course, it does! In a toxic relationship, the two people involved seem to do anything but understand each other.
Also, there is a sort of unsaid competition going on where you expect the other one to try and understand you first.
I say, be the first one to act. Be the first one to build a bridge between you two, and understand why they are behaving a certain way. Understand why they may have changed from the time you first met.
Who knows, their negative behavior might be due to some other worry or issue in their lives that you don’t know about. If that is the case, reach out to them lovingly and be genuinely interested in helping them out.
You could ask them, “Is everything fine? You seem a little upset”. Or something like, “Hey, I am here for you if you need to talk about it. We could take some time out and discuss what’s been on your mind.” It could also be that they just want some space and to make sure they do, you could ask, “Would you like to talk about it or do you want some space?” If they want space, respect that and you can go do something else.
When you show genuine interest in understanding your partner and what they are going through, a change will start happening in their heart.
They will realize that you still care and the relationship can be mended. Slowly, they will start building a bridge from their side too, and eventually, you can form the same connection you once had.
7) Stop Using Toxic Language
Do you know the power of your words?
There is a reason why it is said that the pen is mightier than the sword. The right words can make people fall in love with you, and the wrong ones can make them hate you.
Obviously, this applies to your relationship too.
Many times, a relationship becomes toxic when people start using sarcastic or abusive language. There are a couple of perspectives to understand here.
The first thing you need to note is that you may be prone to using harsh language when you are angry or frustrated due to some other problems. You may then take that frustration out on your partner using toxic words.
It is only obvious that you should NOT do this under any circumstance. They are the one you should be pouring your heart out to, not push away using foul language.
Can you imagine how hurt they can get due to this?
The second thing to note is that when you get into a fight or argument with your partner, you may be prone to saying things you shouldn’t say.
As humans, we tend to blow negative things out of proportion. So, even if your partner did something that was not that bad, you may make it sound like it is much worse with your unkind words. You may then start bringing up past mistakes and make things even more complicated.
Don’t do this. Remember that the problem is the problem itself, not the person.
So, what you need to do to fix your relationship is use kind and loving language.
Focus on each others’ good qualities and compliment each other from time to time. Tell them what you love about them the most.
You don’t always need to say things out loud. You could even write them and place cute notes around the house for them to read. It’s not that hard you know.
All it takes is sincerity.
8) Stop Being Passive-Aggressive
Passive-aggressiveness is one of those things that may not look dangerous on the surface, but it can slowly and silently eat away at your relationship.
But what exactly is it?
Well, when you’re being passive-aggressive, you are expressing your anger, frustration, or other negative feelings indirectly.
You are not direct and clear about how you feel and you simply provide subtle hints about what may be bothering you.
This is a highly toxic behavior.
And if you have it, you need to get rid of it asap!
You see, when couples get into a heated fight, at least they let everything out. Nothing is left unsaid and so communication happens (even though it is not the ideal way to do it). But when you are being passive-aggressive with your partner, you are leaving things up for interpretation and assumption. This is almost worse!
Examples of passive-aggressive behavior can include, silent treatment, not being direct with how you feel, blaming your partner instead, evading chances of communication, sarcasm, backhanded compliments, and more.
All of these make problems much bigger than they need to be. Also, bottling down your emotions is not at all healthy for you. Sooner or later you may erupt like a volcano and you may lose the one you love forever!
So, if you want to improve a relationship that is already toxic, it only makes sense to stop doing toxic things.
Instead of being passive-aggressive, start being open and direct.
If something has hurt you, tell your partner about it. Tell them what they did, how it made you feel, and what you want them to do in the future. Contrary to what many do, you don’t have to be rude about it. Speak in a calm and relaxed voice.
9) Avoid Insecurity and Unhealthy Competition
I think I’ve already mentioned that in a toxic relationship, instead of mutual support, there is competition.
Imagine competing (unhealthily) with the very person you love!
This behavior doesn’t make sense to a sane mind. Instead of being happy for the other person’s achievements, if you’re being insecure, that should tell you that you are not in a good mental and emotional state.
You see, when you’re in a relationship, it shouldn’t be you versus your partner.
You should act like one team.
It could be you vs the world, but never you vs your loved one.
I know both of you have different goals and career paths, but the concept of competition just shouldn’t arise. Since you two are so involved with each other (physically, emotionally, and mentally), it is extremely unhealthy to view your own partner as your competition. Heck, they are your “partner”.
So, now let’s move on to what you can do about this issue.
First of all, understand that if you’re getting insecure about your partner’s progress, it might be because you are not happy about your own progress.
So, instead of doing things to take them down, do something that will supercharge your progress. But don’t do it out of spite. Do it because you want to grow in life.
Also, your insecurity may be an indication of low self-esteem.
If you have a low sense of self-worth, you might get threatened when someone else’s worth is seemingly increasing. The natural thing to do here is to work on yourself. Work on improving your self-esteem. There are a whole host of ways you can do this. Yes, I know, it takes time but if you want to improve your relationship, you have to stick with it.
10) Be A Better Version of You At Home Than Your Office
This one is quite interesting and not something that many would think about.
Have you ever noticed how productive, open-minded, polite, and flexible you are at your work?
I understand that it could be out of a need to be that way rather than being that way naturally.
However, the main point is that you are on your best behavior at work.
When you get back home though, you want to let loose and just “be yourself”.
You revert back to your usual self. If this usual self was a happy, kind, and positive person, there would be no problem in doing so at all.
But, what generally happens is that people become a lesser version of themselves at home than their office.
So, you might be a little rude, impatient, insecure, rigid, and so on (all the things that you can’t afford being at your work because of obvious consequences).
If you tend to do this, you need to reflect deeply on this.
Do you know what you’re doing?
You are valuing your colleagues more than your family or your partner. Instead of being more loving, patient, open-minded, and kind to them, you are not even giving them what you give to the world.
I think I don’t need to tell you whether this is right or wrong. Your heart has already given you that answer.
The solution to this is simple.
No matter how your day way, you always come home as a better person than you were at your work.
Sure, you are a human and you may need some time to wind down, but that doesn’t mean you start treating your partner negatively. If you need some time for yourself, you can politely ask for it. Then, go back to being the best partner the world has ever seen! Doesn’t the one you love deserve this?
11) Indulge In Bonding Behavior
Do you remember when your relationship was still new?
Do you remember all the little loving and cute things you used to do with your partner? Remember how it used to feel? It felt magical and you felt as if you were on cloud nine, right?
So, what happened?
How did a loving relationship become toxic?
Well, sometimes, it’s not because something happened, it’s because of things not happening that used to happen before. Get it?
As a relationship gets older, people stop doing the special little things they used to do before.
That is why so many people complain about losing the spark after a certain amount of time.
This typically happens after the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship is over. If you don’t know what that is, well, it’s the initial months in any relationship where everything is rainbows and unicorns. Don’t worry, it happens with everyone!
But, you need to take care that the “electric” bond and love you felt for each other in the beginning, stay alive; no matter how long you two have been together.
To do this, you can do all the things you did in the beginning and more! In fact, now that you are totally comfortable with each other (before things went sour, at least), you can indulge in a lot more bonding activities than you could during the early days.
Simple things like random hugs and kisses go a long way. When you’re watching television together or walking outside, make sure you hold their hand. During the day, just look at them lovingly and smile as if their presence lightens up your world. Give each other small gifts that are meaningful to your relationship. Go on dinner dates and do it as if you’re a new couple.
You can also do acts of kindness, like completing some of their chores for them so that they can take a rest. Share laughter, create memories, go on a weekend getaway, go for a movie, spend uninterrupted time together, and do anything else that will bring you guys together.
Doesn’t it feel wonderful just to read all of this? Imagine how it will feel when you start doing them again!
12) Focus On Doing Your Part
Now, it is not that couples who are in a toxic relationship don’t do anything to improve it.
A lot of them do! You, too, might have decided to consult a therapist or take some counseling to improve your relationship with your partner.
And that is a good start.
However, you need to be aware of one of the most common mistakes that couples do while they are trying to fix things.
What usually happens is people expect their partners to take the first initiative. Or they may expect their partner to change their behavior first.
It’s the classic “you do this and I will reciprocate.”
But do you know what happens in these cases? Nothing! If both are expecting the other to make the first move, logically, they keep waiting forever! This is one of the most common mistakes that people make.
What you need to do instead is, be the first one to take the initiative.
Focus on doing your part. Don’t expect anything in return at first. Just do what a loving partner would do. It’s highly likely that they will reciprocate eventually. I mean, who doesn’t like to be loved and cared for, right? Who knows, you might not even need to go to a therapist!
If you do need to see someone, again, be the one to take that initiative.
Talk to your loved one and ask them if they would be open to talking to someone. When you do this, your partner will see that you are doing everything possible to make your relationship stronger and happier. This can motivate them to do their part too.
13) Connect With Yourself
This is something that happens to most people if not all.
When you’re in a relationship (especially if you have a family), you can get so focused on their happiness that you forget all about yourself.
You focus on being a good spouse/partner, and a good parent. This is not a bad thing at all.
Who doesn’t want to do right by the people they love? But, it is also true that while taking care of your loved ones, you may not have any time left for yourself.
If this continues to happen for a long time, you will eventually lose connection with your own self.
Your identity will start revolving around the ones you love. Your own identity will start looking like a blur to you. This can mess with your head. Listen, you are a human being, and you have your own likes, dislikes, hobbies, things you love doing, etc. And it’s not selfish at all to want to live your own life a little.
If you don’t spend time alone doing things that make you happy, it can make you irritable. You will become so emotionally dependent on your partner or kids that the slightest change in your behavior will make you feel sad and empty inside.
And when you’re feeling all these negative emotions, your relationships stand to become toxic. You will exude outwards, what you feel on the inside. Isn’t this true? I know it is!
So, from now on, make it a point to take some time for yourself.
Hang out with your friends or just sit on a bench in a park. Reflect on who you are, and at what point you are in life. Think about what the future could be like.
Do things that make you happy. It doesn’t matter how small or silly it might appear, if you love it, do it. Meditation is another great way to make your connection with your inner being strong. There are so many things you can do. You just have to be willing to do them!
14) Establish Healthy Communications
As an adult, I think I don’t need to tell you how important communication is in any relationship.
It holds the same significance that water does to plants. Just as plants die without water, relationships die without healthy communication.
This is just a fact.
nd I know that you know this already.
So, the point is, what’s stopping you from establishing healthy communication with your partner?
As I mentioned earlier, people tend to wait for their partner to do it first. Is that the case with you? Or is it that you have already assumed that your partner “just won’t understand”? Or maybe, it’s because you fear that your loved one may not reciprocate.
Well, whatever the reason is, you need to get over it. You owe it to yourself, your partner, and your relationship to give it a shot.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about how you can establish healthy communication with your partner.
First of all, when you want to discuss something important, you need to set aside some time for it. If you do it while you’re in a hurry or doing some other thing, it won’t lead to effective communication.
Setting aside a fixed time will also help the other person be mentally prepared for what you need to discuss.
To do this, you could politely ask them, “Hey, I just wanted to talk about something important. When will you be available to talk about it?”
Secondly, you need to prepare in advance what you want to say. That way, you won’t miss out on anything important. Also, you will be able to decide on the best way to put across your thoughts so that you come off as friendly and loving instead of rude and condescending.
Make sure that you don’t beat around the bush. Be absolutely clear so that nothing is open to interpretation.
Next, you have to be prepared for any outcome.
Just because you’re in a place where you’re looking to make things better, doesn’t mean your partner is ready too. Give them time.
You reaching out will probably have a positive effect on them and they might warm up to communicating with you in the future. Stay calm no matter what happens. Focus on doing your part as I talked about in point number 12.
15) Cherish Other Relations In Your Life
As a human, it is in your nature to focus more on things that are wrong than the ones that are right.
If you are in a toxic relationship, that may be getting all your attention. All your thoughts and emotions might be focused on your partner and everything that is wrong with your relationship with them.
This can leave you miserable and emotionally drained. You may also feel as if there is nothing good in your life.
It is in times like these that you need to shift your attention to the other relationships you have in your life.
You may have your siblings, your parents, friends, relatives, and many more people in your life. Your relationships with them matter too! So, it is a good idea to spend more time with them and be grateful for having them in your life.
What this does is, it refreshes your mind and fills your spirit with renewed energy.
Having a good time with them shows you that you can indeed be happy. You can also ask them for guidance about how you can improve your relationship with your partner.
If any of them is also close to your partner, you may ask them to intervene and help you guys out. You never know what type of solutions may emerge when you open up about your problems.
16) Do Things To Stay Motivated And Driven
It is no secret that your state of mind may negatively influence your relationship with your partner.
It is often seen that when people are feeling demotivated in life in general, their relationships start to suffer. This is because they just don’t feel like putting in the effort to keep their relationships strong and happy.
This can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings and misinterpretations on the part of your partner.
So, you need to do things that can keep you motivated and driven, regardless of what is happening in any sphere of your life.
In fact, doing so can actually positively influence all areas of your life.
Think about it. When you’re in a happy and motivated state of mind, you start seeing opportunities where you might have seen problems before. You would also feel the need to take control of your life and make sure everything is as it should be. Naturally, this means that you would take steps to make your relationship with your partner better too.
So, how can you stay motivated and driven?
Well, fortunately, there is a whole list of things you can do.
First of all, you need to sit down with your daily planner and make room for some good habits every single day. Things like meditation, mindfulness, working out, reading books, listening to music, taking walks, etc should be in your daily routine. These are indispensable to keep you motivated.
You should also engage in some healthy hobbies. You could learn to cook (which would definitely make your partner happy), you could practice making art (make a sketch of your spouse, perhaps?), playing the guitar (play a song for your partner?), or anything else you would enjoy. Bonus points if these hobbies can directly help you make your relationship better.
You could also join a support group. This could broaden your horizons. Oftentimes, listening to other people’s problems and how they solved them can motivate you to do the same.
17) Channel Your Energy To A Higher Purpose
Now, for this point, I am going to get a little philosophical on you, so bear with me.
Remember I talked about patterns earlier?
I am going to bring that up again. All of us run on patterns. Your daily life is influenced by these patterns too.
One of the most influential ones is the societal pattern. This includes doing things for yourself and your family, wanting respect and recognition from society, freedom to exercise your rights, wanting to improve your societal status, and so on.
This is a pattern that most people follow.
And you wouldn’t be wrong to think that this is normal behavior.
But consider this.
When you are following this pattern, day in and day out, your physical, emotional, and mental wants become paramount to you. The moment you don’t get anything you want, you experience a slew of negative emotions. Then, your emotions take charge of your life and a number of bad things ensue. Yes, even your romantic relationship stands to suffer.
Instead of being trapped in these patterns, if you live your life for a higher purpose, you won’t let the usual needs and desires affect your mental state.
You will be driven by something more in life and so, your emotions will be focused on that.
Many great people have lived their lives like this and the amount of stuff they were able to achieve is remarkable. A lot of the things that we enjoy today are a result of their work.
So ask yourself what you would want to pursue in life.
Not merely as work or a job, but as your mission. Take note of your interests, skills, and abilities and think hard about what would make you feel as if you have achieved something meaningful. Think about how you can touch other people’s lives positively and the type of legacy you want to leave behind.
This is all life-changing stuff and you obviously won’t come up with the answers in a single day. So, take it as a process and live accordingly.
18) Don’t Give Up
Fixing a toxic relationship can be quite a task.
I mean, it can certainly be done but depending on how bad things are, it can take its own sweet time.
Also, if you are the only one willing to put in the effort (for the moment), it can take even more time and patience on your part.
I know all of this can be frustrating and when you don’t see progress happening, you might want to give up. You might want to say, “I have tried so many things, and nothing seems to work.” I understand how that feels.
And so, let me tell you that you shouldn’t give up.
During moments when you feel a little weak, remind yourself why you are doing this in the first place.
Most probably, it is because you love your partner, right? Why else would you be willing to go through the tough task of mending things?
Nowadays, people are so ready to throw things away, rather than fix them. But you chose the latter, and there must be a reason for that. Remind yourself of that reason. That will serve as your motivation to never give up.
Persistence can move mountains. So, I am sure it can also fix the toxic relationship you have with your partner.
When you are trying one thing after the other without fail, eventually your partner has to notice it all, right? How long could they turn a blind eye to all your effort?
They have a heart after all. A heart that wants to be loved and cared for. A heart that loves attention and wants nothing more than to make things right again. Sooner or later, better sense will prevail in them and that could be the start of something beautiful.
One thing you need to remember through all of this is that you have to be flexible. Don’t get stuck on just one method to improve your relationship. There are many methods you can use and it will totally depend on the type of people you and your partner are. Some may be more effective than the other and you might not always know which one to use.
So, the best thing to do is to take your time and experiment. Eventually, you will find the method that works best for you.
19) Maintain The Changes In The Future
This is a very important point and one that could make all the difference. It is a human tendency to be complacent once things start going good again.
So, if you start making some progress in improving your toxic relationship, suddenly, it might not seem like that big of a problem.
You could then become nonchalant about the whole thing and soon after that, it might go back to being super toxic again.
I am sure you don’t want that to happen. Fixing a toxic relationship can take a lot of effort and letting it go back to the way it was before is just painful.
Painfully frustrating that is! Who would want all that effort to go to waste? Certainly not you.
So, when you start making progress, you need to double down on your efforts and capitalize on the momentum.
A stationary car is difficult to push forward but a moving car is much easier to push. The same concept applies here too.
Once things start making progress, it will increasingly become easier for you to make even more progress.
So, when you double down on your efforts, you will make your relationship just the way you want it way sooner than you had expected.
Again, remember how things used to be in the beginning. Don’t you want to reach that stage fast? Well then, there should be no room for complacency at all.
I am sure your partner will appreciate that you are committed to maintaining the changes. It will further make them feel that you mean business and you are willing to do anything to make things work. This will be such a strong realization for them that they too will start doubling down on their efforts. The result will be exactly what you want. A happy and strong relationship.
Look, the mere fact that you are reading this, should tell you that you care about your partner. Even though most people would have moved on, you chose to stay and look for ways to make your relationship work. I applaud you for that.
If more people did this, relationships would collectively mean more than what they do today. So, you are already on the right track.
Now, the next step is to apply all the ways mentioned here and see which ones work best.
I know it can be scary to reach out to your partner to make things right again. But consider this. They have chosen to stay as well, right?
So somewhere in their heart, they may be wanting to make things right again too. They may just be waiting for you to extend a hand. Contrary to what many people think, it’s not easy to start a relationship with someone new. You have to do everything all over again and after a point, it can get burdensome.
So it’s worth giving your existing relationship a shot. Who knows, you’ll discover the same magic with your partner you once had. All the best!