Human relationships are a complex matter.
We all have our own thought processes, needs, desires, and motivations in life. And sometimes, these clash with other people.
The result is that one person may end up hurting the other one in a plethora of ways.
When someone wrongs you, hurts you, or troubles you in any way, you might immediately change your whole perception of them. Or you might start holding a grudge against them for an indefinite amount of time.
We have all had these experiences, haven’t we?
And we all know how heavy it feels inside of us holding on to such negative feelings and emotions.
The truth is, if you let it get out of control, it can ruin the various aspects of your life that you hold dear.
Your finances, relationships, career, health, well-being can all suffer as a result. So, it only makes sense to forgive anyone who has hurt you or wronged you and move on with your life.
Trust me, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself even though it might not seem like it.
So, how do you actually forgive others?
It might sound easy, but we all know by experience that it takes a lot to do that. You have to be in a certain mental and emotional state to forgive someone and let them go. However, if you make forgiveness a habit, it will come easier to you over time.
Till then, you can follow the below-mentioned ways and tips to forgive others.
1) Remember Who You Are Doing It For
Most people might be under the impression that forgiveness is about the other person.
They might have this misconception that they would be doing the other person a favor by forgiving them.
While this is not entirely incorrect, the truth is that forgiveness is more about you than the one who hurt you.
And this is what you need to remind yourself of.
You forgive because you don’t want to constantly be under the immense weight of resentment. You forgive because you want to be done with whatever is troubling you. So, you’re doing it mainly for your own good rather than anybody else.
2) Remember That The Other Person Is A Human Being
We are all human beings.
And we all make mistakes.
I am sure you have made your fair share of blunders and have hurt other people too. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, it just tells you that you are an imperfect human being.
So, why is it that when someone else does the same to you, you get extremely offended and find it hard to digest?
You need to remind yourself that the one who wronged you is a human being too. No one is perfect.
They are allowed to make mistakes! Sure, they might have acted selfishly but even that is a flaw that we all have. So, close your eyes, see them for who they are and forgive them.
3) Remind Yourself That It’s In The Past
No matter what, you can’t change the past.
I wish we all had our own personal time machines so we could undo the terrible things that have happened to us. But sadly, we can’t.
If someone has hurt you, it is only obvious that you feel terrible. But their act is now in the past.
And there is no reason you should let the past affect your present, and by extension, your future.
Let the past be where it belongs and move on!
4) Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, the situation is so complicated and the emotions involved are so wild and overpowering, that you just can’t manage things on your own.
During these moments, you feel overwhelmed and lost and you can’t even see two steps in front of you. If you’re not careful, such situations can consume you.
This is where professionals come in.
The years of training they go through and the real-world experience that they gather can be invaluable to help you forgive the other person and gain back sanity in your life.
5) Stop Overthinking
The human brain is a wonderful thing.
But it can also turn into something terrible if it goes into overdrive.
It will conjure up all sorts of scenarios and make your emotions go haywire. This is especially dangerous when someone hurts you and you start thinking about the motivation behind their action.
We all know that our minds are capable of inventing the weirdest and the unlikeliest of scenarios. It can also convince us that these are actually true!
But when you come to know about the reality, you realize how stupid you were for overthinking all that stuff. Therefore, it’s best to use your mind sparingly and simply forgive the other person.
6) Do Not Blame Yourself
One common mistake that most people tend to make is that they start blaming themselves for other people’s actions.
You might be prone to doing the same. You might think that the other person hurt you because “you had it coming.” Or that, “you were not enough.”
This is total nonsense. You are not responsible for other people’s actions and so there is no point in blaming yourself!
See the situation for what it really is and have some self-respect. Only then can you understand that it was their mistake. This will eventually lead you to forgiveness.
7) Take A Break
I think it is safe to say that in the modern world, we are constantly on.
There is pressure from all corners of life and we are always on edge. Well, not always, but mostly.
Now, imagine that someone wrongs you in the midst of all this. Won’t things go crazier than they already are? They are bound to!
This makes the other person’s actions seem viler than it actually is. And that keeps you from forgiving them.
However, if you take a break and get your bearings, you will get the much-needed perspective about everything in life.
You will be able to see clearly what the other person did and why. This will help you forgive them because then, their actions won’t seem too evil!
8) Learn Your Lesson
It is said that life teaches you a lesson at every step.
If you fail to learn it, well, it will keep teaching you the same lesson over and over again.
Therefore, when someone hurts you, you should shift your attention to the lesson that life is trying to teach you via that person.
Suddenly, that person won’t be the subject of your wrath anymore.
You will be busy deciphering what you can learn from that event and this makes it much easier for you to forgive them!
In your eyes, they are merely a channel that the universe is using to help you grow.
9) Talk To Your Loved Ones
I understand that some relationships are too personal.
And so, when these people hurt you, it matters a lot more.
You simply don’t expect a loved one to hurt you under any circumstance. This also makes it harder for you to forgive them.
Well, in such cases, it is best to take the help of your other loved ones (nobody has just one).
You will feel better sharing your thoughts and emotions with family and friends.
You will feel lighter and also have the added benefit of their wisdom. They might motivate you to forgive the one who hurt you and you might want to actually listen!
10) Seek Forgiveness From Others
Sometimes, you don’t forgive other people because you don’t realize its value until you are the one who hurts someone else.
Then, you understand what forgiveness means and how great it feels when someone finally forgives you.
Therefore, you should seek forgiveness from all the people that you might have hurt in recent times.
This will give you an entirely new perspective on things and you will be motivated to forgive the one who hurt you!
It’s one of the best things you can do in life, really!
11) Focus Your Attention On Worthwhile Things
I don’t know why but the brain finds it much easier to focus on the negative aspects of life.
It likes to dwell on them for much longer and with more intensity. We all know what this can lead to. All the important areas of your life can stand to suffer if you let the negativity consume you.
What you need to do instead is focus your attention on worthwhile things.
If this becomes the default mode of your life, forgiveness will come naturally to you.
This is because you just won’t want to waste precious time and energy dwelling on the negativity of someone’s actions! In a nutshell, focus more on the positive sides of the person….
12) Use Your Logic
Let’s take a look at forgiveness logically.
You must be aware of how much energy you require to deal with all the negative emotions and feelings that resentment leads to.
Now, think about the energy requirement of love and forgiveness. Which one takes a toll on you? It’s the former, right?
So, I would advise you to use your logic, and stay away from the draining effects of holding resentment. Let things go. Forgive the one who has hurt you and make things simple for yourself and them!
13) Be Patient With Yourself
Ok, so you might be thinking that you need to forgive people instantly.
Like, as soon as they make a mistake. This is not how it works. You see, forgiveness is something that you can’t force. It’s like love. You just have to feel it. And that might take some time.
Be patient with how you feel.
Allow yourself to process what has happened and take your own time. Then, when you feel that you are ready, talk to the other person and tell them that you have forgiven them with all your heart.
That will be a genuine act of forgiveness.
14) Don’t Take Life Too Seriously
This is something that we are all guilty of doing at times.
We can be so involved with the macro aspects of life that we forget to take a bird’s eye view. You and I are part of the cosmos.
Our human lives are but a fleeting shadow from a cosmic perspective. Billions of humans have existed before us and billions will exist after us.
So, what does it matter what someone does or says to you?
It’s not going to have a material impact on reality!
Life itself doesn’t have an impact on reality. If it vanishes, the universe will remain unchanged.
So, don’t take it seriously. Things will be much easier that way.
15) Practice Meditation
There is a reason why spirituality has been becoming more and more popular in recent times.
We have made our lives so complicated that we need something to simplify things again.
We need something to take us back to our roots and help us deal with the myriad of problems with ease and grace.
This is where meditation comes in.
- It helps calm your mind to a degree where things don’t bother you much.
- It allows you to be in the driver’s seat of your mind and that is the key to solving a whole lot of things, including forgiving others with grace.
16) Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a practice of staying in the present moment.
If you have ever paid attention to how yogis and monks conduct their lives, you will realize that they keep their focus in the present moment at all times.
And they do everything (even the smallest of acts) with total involvement.
Once you make mindfulness the default mode of operation, you won’t want to do anything that disturbs your peace and focus.
Even if someone hurts you, you will be able to forgive them without much thought. I know this seems like an unlikely ability that only monks can possess, but even us normies can hone this ability if you give mindfulness a serious shot.
17) Visualize Them As A Child
This is a fun little thing that you can try.
You see, one reason why forgiveness is difficult is that we think that the other person is an adult and they should know better than to do something hurtful.
But what if you imagine them as a child? Like, literally, just visualize them as a child.
Now, does their action seem terrible? No, right?
It’s similar to how you don’t think much about something a child says because, well, they are a child!
Naturally, if you are not too hurt by what they did, forgiving them will become very easy! simpy because you consider that they are on their own path of learning and that they can make mistakes…..
It’s kind of an unorthodox method but worth a shot.
18) Use The Letter Technique
This is one of the most effective methods that you can try.
Essentially, it involves writing down all your thoughts and emotions on a piece of paper. Write about how the other person made you feel, what you wanted to do next, what they used to mean to you, and what they mean to you know.
Write the smallest of details.
Once you are done, burn the paper and say, “I let go.”
This gives you a chance to let out all your inner thoughts and emotions without actually sharing them with the other person. And it definitely helps you feel lighter, more serene and makes forgiving easier.
19) Leave It To The Universe And Let Go
Sometimes, you just aren’t in control. Well, how could you?
There is an infinite number of things happening all around you. And you definitely can’t control other people’s actions. People will act like they want to. If it happens to hurt you, well, so be it.
The wiser thing to do in life (in general) is to have an attitude of letting things go.
Just leave it to the universe. It knows how to do justice. The one who wronged you will answer to the universe for their karma.
So, you should focus on your life and your karma.
20) Remind Yourself That You Will Benefit From Doing So
Forgiveness will set you free.
If you don’t want to do it for the other person, you should do it for yourself.
Yes, it’s kind of a selfish way to look at it, but hey, you are the one who got hurt, right?
So you are allowed to go about it in a slightly selfish manner if you ask me!
Do it for yourself. Do it because it will set you free to focus on other important areas of your life. And never look back!
21) Transition From Resentment To Love & Kindness
Resentment is a negative feeling.
And if there is one thing that everyone agrees on is that you shouldn’t hold on to negative feelings and emotions.
If you know about the law of attraction, you already know that doing so will attract more negativity in your life. Therefore, you should transition from resentment to love and kindness. I know this is very hard to do.
Trying to forgive the one who hurt you and feeling kindness for them. But, you gotta do what you gotta do!
22) Look To The Bright Side
Look to the bright side.
When someone hurts you, they also leave you with a lot of lessons and clarity. It makes you understand what they mean to you. It makes you understand the general motivations of humans these days.
It makes you more mature and gives you clarity on how you should protect yourself so that the same doesn’t happen again.
This is a good thing in my opinion. And so, if not for anything else, you should welcome this opportunity and forgive the person for giving you valuable lessons.
23) Avoid Going To Sleep Angry
When you go to sleep angry, this emotion gets concretized inside your subconscious mind. This makes you feel angrier and angrier over time.
Obviously, this will have the opposite effect of forgiveness. This is why wise people tell you to go to sleep with a smile on your face. ( watch a comedy first if you want to make it easier lol)
When you do that, your subconscious gets reprogrammed and you become a happier version of yourself over time. Naturally, this will make forgiveness less of a difficult task. When you are happy from the inside, you don’t care much about what goes on outside.
24) See Things From Their Perspective
This is a mental exercise that you should be doing regardless of whether someone has hurt you or not.
But it really comes in handy when you are trying to forgive others. It involves seeing things from their perspective. It involves asking yourself if you had done the same thing if you were in the same situation.
If not, how would you have handled things differently? This allows you to understand why someone did what they did.
It gives you a lot of insight and might make you realize that they didn’t have much of an option. This makes forgiveness much easier.
25) Have An Honest Conversation With Them
Last, but certainly not least, is having an honest conversation with the one who hurt you.
Chances are, if you feel extremely hurt, the other person is a loved one or someone you deeply care about. In this case, it is best to sit down with them and talk about what happened. Create a safe space for both of you to share how you really feel.
This will allow both of you to understand each other.
It might be that you misunderstood their actions and got hurt for no reason. It might be that they really messed up and did something wrong. Well, whatever it might be, it will give both of you a chance to deal with the situation like adults.
Then, you can forgive them and take steps to mend your relationship. This is probably the best tip that can be given on forgiveness. Communication is often key…….