Relationships are hard, and breakups are harder.
I think we have all experienced this in our lives.
Going through a breakup has to be one of the most painful things a person can go through.
It leaves behind so many questions and messes up with your mind and emotions. For most, it feels like their hearts are being ripped open from their chests.
In some cases, things become so dire that people even get suicidal thoughts.
Perhaps the reason why breakups are so hard is that we aren’t taught how to deal with them from a younger age.
We are, sort of, left to figure things out on our own.
However, there are many ways you can survive a relationship breakup and go through the whole ordeal much faster.
Below, we look at 20 such ways.
- 1) Feel the pain
- 2) Share Your Feelings
- 3) Write Down What You Feel
- 4) Change Your Idea About Breakups
- 5) Stop Blaming Yourself
- 6) Focus On your Health
- 7) Use The Power of Your Old Routine
- 8) Take Care Of Yourself
- 9) Give yourself Some Time Off
- 10) Keep Faith In Relationships
- 11) Give Up the Past
- 12) Avoid Any Contact With Your Ex
- 13) Avoid Harmful Methods
- 14) Focus On the Negative Traits of Your Ex
- 15) Seek Peace Not Revenge
- 16) Learn From This Experience
- 17) Enjoy the Benefits of Being Single
- 18) Prepare A Closure Ritual
- 19) Realize You Can get Over it
- 20) Start Seing New People
1) Feel the pain
Oftentimes, people tend to ignore or suppress the negative emotions they feel after a breakup.
They do this to make themselves feel better and to quickly get over the grieving process.
However, this is a very unhealthy coping mechanism.
By denying yourself these negative feelings, you suppress them all within your subconscious mind.
This can be dangerous in the long term. Without even realizing it, you might develop negative behavioral traits, and you might become a bitter person.
A better way to deal with a breakup is to allow yourself to feel all the uncomfortable emotions.
Yes, I know, nobody wants to go through this, but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
By going through the pain, you will ensure that it loses its relevance after some time.
After a breakup, you are filled with complex thoughts and emotions.
And it’s almost an impossible task to make sense of it all.
This further adds to the confusion, and so you feel overwhelmed beyond measure. This is probably why a lot of people shut themselves off emotionally and become numb for a while.
It might seem like a good idea at that moment, but it’s not healthy at all.
What you should do instead is talk about your feelings openly.
Find someone who cares for you and share how you feel and think. It doesn’t matter if you can’t find the right words to describe how you feel.
The other person probably has gone through it already.
So, they will know what you’re trying to say. Trust me, just sharing how feel with someone can make you feel a lot lighter.
3) Write Down What You Feel
Journaling is an age-old method that people have been using to give form to their incomprehensible thoughts and emotions.
Even great kings and philosophers used to write in their journals hundreds of years ago.
If you are not in the condition to open up to someone, this method should be your next choice to deal with your breakup.
Just treat your diary or journal as a person and write everything that comes to your mind.
Be honest and authentic, and pour your heart onto the pages of your journal.
If you feel like crying while doing so, that’s completely fine.
Let the tears wash away the pain that’s bubbling on the inside.
4) Change Your Idea About Breakups
If you think about it, breakups are a natural part of relationships.
They are a part of the process of finding the right partner.
It’s unlikely that you will find the perfect person on the first try.
You will likely get in and out of relationships with multiple people until you find them.
So, in a way, breakups should be expected.
If you get into a relationship with this perspective, you won’t feel devastated if it eventually ends.
Yes, it will still hurt, but at least you will have the realization that it is necessary for the greater good.
Both for you and the other person.
5) Stop Blaming Yourself
A common thing that a lot of people do after a breakup is that they blame themselves for it.
They think that it was due to their choices and decisions that the other person decided to end things.
They take things too personally and that adds to their misery.
After all, you don’t want to be the reason behind the end of a relationship!
You need to realize that a relationship takes equal efforts from two people to become successful.
Sure, you might have made mistakes, but the other person might have done so too.
In the end, there is no reason to blame anyone for the breakup.
Sometimes, a relationship just runs its course, and that’s all there is to it.
Sometimes, things just don’t work out! So, don’t take things personally and stop overthinking and tormenting yourself.
6) Focus On your Health
After a breakup, your entire focus gets anchored to the loss you feel in your heart.
For some time, you stop caring about everything and everyone else.
You even tend to forget about your basic needs.
This can be quite unhealthy.
In fact, it can make matters even worse.
The right thing to do is to engage in self-care practices no matter how you feel.
Yes, it will feel a little weird initially to take care of yourself and have a good time.
You might think that you are supposed to feel bad and miserable.
Well, that’s not entirely true.
You are allowed to have fun and take care of yourself. In fact, this is necessary for your physical, mental, and emotional health.
So, make sure you get ample sleep, eat healthy food, do some exercise, read books, and engage in other self-care activities.
7) Use The Power of Your Old Routine
A breakup is a huge change. A person whom you loved so dearly is no more in your life.
A bond that seemed unbreakable once has been shattered.
Obviously, your mind and heart are reeling with this big change.
And this makes you feel quite overwhelmed.
In the midst of it all, what you need is some form of familiarity.
And what better way to experience this familiarity than to go back to your routine.
Yes, I know you won’t want to go back to your routine.
After all, nothing makes sense in the aftermath of a breakup.
But following your old routine will help create order amidst the chaos. And it can act as a support using which you can begin to move on with your life.
8) Take Care Of Yourself
The relationship you have with the one you love is one of the most important ones in your life.
But do you know what an even more important relationship is? It’s the one that you have with yourself.
Yes, your “self relationship” is the most important one regardless of whether you are single or not.
That’s because all your other relationships are based on the relationship you have with yourself.
So, when you’re dealing with a breakup, it becomes even more important to pamper yourself.
You need to take care of that innocent inner being who is going through all the pain and suffering.
So, do things that you enjoy doing. The previous point was about your health, here it is more about having fun.
Watch a movie, eat your favorite food, buy something nice for yourself, get a massage, go on a trip, or take a yoga class.
9) Give yourself Some Time Off
A breakup can have a negative impact on the other areas of your life.
This is pretty much obvious.
When you are feeling dead inside, you will obviously not be able to perform at your best.
So, your work, personal life, and other relationships might take a hit for a while. And that’s completely okay.
You need to cut yourself some slack and understand that this is how things are going to be for a while.
Do not blame yourself for not being on top of your game immediately.
That would be too harsh. Treat yourself with kindness. You need that right now.
In fact, you should lighten your load till you feel better.
Cut back on work, study, or other responsibilities. This will give you time to recharge and come back stronger.
10) Keep Faith In Relationships
Usually, when you go through a breakup, you tend to lose faith in other people and relationships as a whole.
You think that everyone is bad for you and everyone will ultimately leave you.
So, you might end up closing yourself off from everybody else.
Again, this is not healthy at all.
What you need to do instead is keep faith in humanity and realize that not everyone is the same.
Yes, the relationship with your ex didn’t work out but there is definitely someone out there who is right for you.
And when you meet them, you will build a beautiful relationship that will last forever.
11) Give Up the Past
Most people people expect to to get back with them.
And in a way, it is only human to do so.
After all, the other person might have meant the world to you, and you might wish to get back with them.
It would be much easier than meeting a new person.
Also, many people do get back together with their ex and it ultimately works out! ( our article about the 8 steps to save your relationship is here )
However, even if that is a possibility, you shouldn’t expect it actively.
Otherwise, you will never be able to move on with your life.
You will remain in a perpetual state of wanting them back and this will keep you stuck. So give up the past to move on.
And every day that you aren’t back with them, you will feel terrible and miserable. So, do yourself a favor and focus on yourself for a while.
12) Avoid Any Contact With Your Ex
Many former couples decide to remain friends after a breakup.
And it is still debated whether this is good or not.
A point can be made that since you two knew each other so well, you could help each other out with the breakup.
But common sense dictates otherwise. ( at least for a while to let you heal…..)
You see, if you keep talking to them after the breakup, you will constantly be reminded of all the memories you had with them.
You might constantly try and win them back again.
This will create an awkward situation, and you will get stuck in your life.
A better idea would be to cut all contact, at least till you are able to move on!
13) Avoid Harmful Methods
Many people turn to harmful coping methods to numb their feelings down.
People turn to alcohol, drugs, junk food, and even gambling to cope with their situation.
Obviously, this is a big no-no.
Doing so will only make matters worse.
Not only will you not move on, but you will develop destructive habits that will create more chaos in your life.
What you need after a breakup is a safe and peaceful environment where you can heal.
And that can only happen with good habits and people.
So, stay away from anything that might be even remotely harmful to you.
14) Focus On the Negative Traits of Your Ex
This one can be fun for those whose exes were… “not nice people.”
And even if your ex was a good person, it can be an interesting way to make yourself feel better.
The idea is to make a list of all the annoying qualities of your ex.
It could be something small, like the way they chew their food. Or something big, like their inflated ego.
You see, when you lose someone, your focus is always on the good things that you lost.
So, to balance the scales, you might need to think of all the bad things that you don’t have to deal with any longer.
This gives you a broader perspective and makes it easier to let go.
15) Seek Peace Not Revenge
After a bad breakup, you might be tempted to take revenge on your ex.
Especially, if they cheated on you or betrayed you in some other way.
Obviously this is a really bad idea that could lead to serious issues…… especially when you let passion, hatred or anger control you…..
Look, the best way to deal with your ex is to completely forgive and forget about them.
Just pretend that they don’t exist any longer.
Focus on yourself and your loved ones.
Focus on your goals and dreams, on your family or friends…. Your ex is just a tiny part of your life. There is so much more in store for you….
16) Learn From This Experience
Every person that comes into your life teaches something of value to you.
This is especially true of your romantic partners.
So, focusing on these lessons can be a good way of putting a positive spin on your current situation.
You can even write these lessons down in your diary and be grateful that you got to learn these things from them.
This will prevent you from feeling resentful and hateful.
It will help you achieve a more positive state of mind. And ultimately, it will help you take the next big leap.
17) Enjoy the Benefits of Being Single
This is another fun exercise.
After a breakup, you need to adjust to your new reality.
Well, technically it’s the old reality of you being single.
But that’s okay!
Being single can be a lot of fun. There are so many things you can finally do as a single person that you couldn’t do in a relationship.
For instance, you can spend more time with your friends, you can put your own needs first, you have more individual freedom, you have the whole bed to yourself, you have complete control over which movies to watch, and you can be as lazy as you want!
18) Prepare A Closure Ritual
This is something I saw in a sitcom for the first time.
Essentially, the idea is to do a ritual that would mark the formal closure of your relationship with your ex.
It’s only symbolic in nature, but it can certainly be good for your psychological state.
Especially if you didn’t get any real closure during the breakup.
You could write a final letter to your ex saying goodbye (without actually sending it), delete their photos from your phone, burn any reminders of your ex, and so on.
19) Realize You Can get Over it
When you are in a relationship, you unconsciously start needing them in your everyday life. It starts seeming that you just can’t survive without them.
So, after a breakup, it’s only natural that you feel a big void in your life, and you feel as though you can’t live for one more day without your ex.
Contrary to how you feel, however, you can indeed survive on your own.
You were doing it just fine before they entered your life, and you can do it just fine now that they have left.
You need to realize this with every cell in your body!
20) Start Seing New People
Finally, we come to dating.
There is no right answer to when you should start dating again.
It all comes down to whether or not you feel ready. Ideally, you shouldn’t do it if you are still grieving the loss of your ex. And you shouldn’t wait too long either.
Find the right time and moment, and start dating again.
There are so many amazing people that you could meet.
Who knows where the crazy ride of life will take you.
You might just stumble upon “the one” the next time you start dating!