The role of parents in any child’s life is perhaps the most critical one.
I mean, this much is just common sense and there isn’t a person on the planet that doesn’t know this.
We just evolved in a way that we crave love, care, and attention from our parents (especially our mothers). Many other species on the planet have the same needs, by the way!
So you can only imagine how devastating it must be for a child who doesn’t receive the love and care they want from their mother.
It is so common that there is even a term for it – mother wound. I am sure you understand what it means just by reading those two words.
The mother wound is as real as any other physical wound, but, this one affects you on a mental and emotional level.
Sadly, there are mothers out there that are not emotionally available for their children. They might also be overly critical of everything their children do and might compare them to other kids all the time.
This has a stark impact on the psyche of kids, and it carries over to their adulthood, impacting every aspect of their lives.
The thing is, you might not even be aware that you suffer from the mother wound.
So, if you have unexplained emotional issues, you might want to know about certain signs that might help you realize if that’s the case.
- 1) You Have Low Self-Esteem
- 2) Your Romantic Relationships Don’t Flourish
- 3) You Are Highly Self-Critical
- 4) You Numb Your Pain With Addictions
- 5) You Don’t Care About Giving Your Best
- 6) You Care Too Much About Giving Your Best
- 7) You Find It Difficult To Connect With Others
- 8) You Have A Rocky Relationship With Your Mother
- 9) You Don’t Really Know Who You Are
- 10) You Suffer From Permanent Sadness or Depression
1) You Have Low Self-Esteem
One of the most common manifestations of the mother wound in a child is in the form of low self-esteem.
This happens for obvious reasons.
If you aren’t loved as a child, it is only normal for you to question your very self. From a very young age, you might think that there is something wrong with you or that you are just not enough and that’s why your mother didn’t love you.
As an adult, this low self-esteem lingers around. As such, your sense of self-worth never really improves. This can affect your career, relationships with those around you, financial status, health, and even your general well-being. You wade through life, believing lies and living as a result of your mother’s mistakes.
2) Your Romantic Relationships Don’t Flourish
If you have the mother wound, your romantic relationships are highly likely to suffer. And this happens due to the very reasons you have your mother wound in the first place.
First off, you might feel undeserving of love. Even if someone does fall for you, you might question their motives. That’s because, in your mind, you might have accepted the fact that you are unlovable. I know, this is so sad!
Also, since you weren’t loved and cared for as a child, you might not really know how to love and care for someone else.
Naturally, this might create a wedge between you and your partner, and your relationships just don’t flourish. You may end up living a significant part of your life without knowing the joy of a strong partnership.
3) You Are Highly Self-Critical
The human brain likes to question why something happened and come up with probable explanations. That’s just how it makes sense of things.
As a child, your young mind might have thought that not being good enough is the reason why your mother doesn’t give you the attention you seek.
As an adult, this might have manifested in you being highly critical of yourself.
You might tend to be extremely hard on yourself when you make even a tiny mistake. This comes from the need to feel that you are indeed good enough. Somewhere in your mind, you still believe that your mother might love you if you just prove your worth.
4) You Numb Your Pain With Addictions
For some people, the pain of their mother wound may be so unbearable that they might throw themselves into the arms of addictions.
So, if you find escape in alcohol, cigarettes, (or god forbid, drugs), then it might be in response to your mother wound.
The only difference here is that you are not consciously aware that you’re doing it in response to the wound.
This is so tragic if you think about it. You might be trying to numb a pain that you don’t even know you have. And you might be doing it in the worst way possible. If you do need to deal with your pain (as you should), there are tons of positive ways to do it. Check our guide to heal the mother wound here.
5) You Don’t Care About Giving Your Best
When a child’s efforts aren’t appreciated, no matter how hard they try, they might end up thinking that there is no point in trying hard.
This is because they don’t receive the expected reward (their mother’s love), for their efforts.
So, what do they do? They might stop giving their best.
You might have this tendency too if you have the mother wound. If you have a lingering feeling that there is no point in giving your best (in general), then that’s your hint. You don’t need to be a genius to know how bad this can be for your life.
6) You Care Too Much About Giving Your Best
I know. This is the opposite of what I said in the previous point. Let me explain.
In some people, not receiving their mother’s love and attention for their efforts may have the opposite effect. They might think that they need to keep putting their best effort for their mothers to love them.
So, as an adult, you might constantly strive for perfection.
With some people, it can be quite maddening how far they are willing to go to make things perfect. There might be other reasons for this as well, but if you have an unexplained reason behind this, or if the source of this is some unexplained pain, it could very well be a sign of the mother wound.
7) You Find It Difficult To Connect With Others
The reason for the existence of the mother wound is the mother’s inability to connect with her children.
The special bond between a mother and a child is just not formed in some cases. This can have a lasting impact on the child’s ability to form connections with other people.
So, if you find it hard to connect with others (with anyone, not just your romantic partner), then it might be due to the mother wound.
To be really sure that that’s the case, you can spend some time introspecting the reason why you aren’t able to connect easily with other people. Maybe your experience with your mother made you build the proverbial wall around yourself, and that prevents you from bonding with other people.
8) You Have A Rocky Relationship With Your Mother
This one is pretty straightforward. You might have never built a strong and happy relationship with your mother. And you may not exactly know why.
You might have assumed that you two are just different people, and that may be the reason.
Or you may have thought of any other reason without giving a thought to the possibility that you may have the mother wound.
But ask yourself, “Why would the relationship between a mother and her child be rocky/strained without there being a proper reason?”
Go deep within yourself and see if you are angry with her or disappointed in her. If the answer to that question is a yes, well, that’s your sign!
9) You Don’t Really Know Who You Are
A mother plays a vital role in helping her children discover who they are.
By paying attention to your preferences, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, personality, and many other aspects of you, she is supposed to help you with forming your identity.
At least until the time you are all grown up and can start figuring out stuff on your own.
If you still don’t know who you are as a person, even in your adulthood, it might be because you never learned how to discover your true self. It might be because your mother never really helped you with this.
This is a clear indication of a mother wound.
10) You Suffer From Permanent Sadness or Depression
Do you suffer from permanent sadness or depression? Were you never able to figure out the cause of this despite your best tries?
Well, the mother wound might be the answer you have been looking for all along. It is only natural to feel sad if you never received love, care, and attention from the one person we all expect these from.
Mothers are supposed to love their children unconditionally and be there for them their whole lives. Not knowing what that’s like can be too hard for many to accept. This can be the reason behind their permanent sadness, and in some cases, depression. It is important to at least know the root cause of your sadness.
That way, you can do something about it and work to live a happier life!
Once you know whether you suffer from a mother wound, you can start the healing process. Check our guide here.