So… it finally happened.
Your wife ( or partner) got sick of you playing video games and left you.
And now, you are wondering what even happened.
You might be confused as to why she took such a drastic step.
You might have done a little research online and found out that you are not alone in this.
In recent times, more and more instances of wives leaving their husbands due to video games are coming to light. This might have made you even more anxious.
Of course, at the moment, you might be concerned about only one thing.
You want to get your wife back.
You want things to go back to normal.
And you would do anything to make sure that she doesn’t leave again.
Well, this is all fine and dandy.
But you need to realize that merely wishing won’t make things happen.
You need to actually put in the work to understand what happened and bring some significant changes in you.
And more importantly, your wife needs to feel that you have really changed for the better.
Only then does your marriage stand a chance. Otherwise, your current situation can definitely become permanent.
- What Women Think of Video Games
- How Video Games Can Affect One’s Marriage
- What To Do After The Wife Leaves Due To Video Games
- 1) Accept That You Are Addicted
- 2) Evaluate What’s More Important For You
- 3) Talk To Your Wife And Commit To Changing
- 4) Get Professional Help
- 5) Set Ground Rules
- 6) Game Together If Possible
- 7) Quit Gaming If You Can’t Stop Being Addicted
- 8) Spend Time On Things Your Wife Loves
- 9) Make Sure Your Wife Feels Appreciated
Probably, the first thing you need to do (before even talking to your wife) is understanding what women think of video games in general.
And you need to look at this in a completely unbiased manner.
You shouldn’t let your love for video games dictate how your wife or other people should feel about them.
After all, everybody has their own opinion on the matter.
As far as women go, they are more reasonable than you might think.
And they certainly don’t take drastic steps on a whim.
Most women say that gaming is completely fine as long as it doesn’t interfere with their relationships.
Some women even enjoy gaming with their husbands!
And whenever a woman has a problem with her husband’s video games, it is almost always due to their addiction to those games.
In such cases, the wives feel like they are insignificant and that their husbands don’t care about them.
They feel neglected and that hurts them to their core.
Also, it is only natural for a woman to not want to compete with a video game for her husband’s attention!
If you reverse the role, you can definitely relate to this.
Imagine your wife spending most of her time on one of her hobbies and not talking to you for hours on end. How would that make you feel? Wouldn’t you feel like your presence doesn’t even matter to her?
Having said all of this, you need to understand how your wife feels about video games.
Does she hate them?
Is she okay with them if you don’t make them an obsession?
Think about all the things she said before she left and you will get your answer.
People who play video games know how addictive they can be.
In fact, game designers deliberately make their video games addictive so that players would spend more time playing those games.
This obviously leads to more revenue for them.
However, it comes at a cost.
When you are addicted to anything in life (not just video games), you tend to ignore the other important aspects of your life like your career, relationships, and health.
You can imagine how this can affect your marriage.
If you are immersed in a game, you are obviously not going to pay as much attention to your partner’s needs and wants.
And you are definitely not going to spend as much quality time with them as you should.
When both of you get back home after a hard day of work, it is only natural for your partner to expect some time together, where you can wind down and relax in each other’s company.
Now, imagine if all she gets is neglect because you hop onto your computer the moment you come back home.
You might not realize it on a day-to-day basis, but if you don’t spend enough time with your partner, it starts to create distance between you two.
You might not feel this distance because you are having a good time with your video games.
But your wife will certainly feel it as she might not have something that can keep her occupied and entertained.
So, now that you have realized how your gaming habit might have damaged your marriage, it’s time to look at what you can do next.
You can follow a systematic step-by-step plan, not only to bring necessary changes in your habit and behavior but also to get your wife back.
And more importantly, to keep her this time.
The first step is to accept the fact that you are addicted to video games.
Often, this is the hardest thing for a gamer to accept or admit.
This is because acceptance would mean that you are the one responsible for your wife leaving you.
And that can hit hard.
Suddenly, the weight of your mistakes and poor decisions hits you and that can be painful, to say the least.
However, it is this step that will help you become a better person.
It will help you realize all your wrongdoings and pave the way for you to change your habits.
And it will also help you win your wife back.
More importantly though, when you genuinely accept your bad decisions and blunders, your wife would actually support you and be there for you as you deal with your addiction.
Another thing you could do is evaluate what’s more important for you.
Is playing video games more important or does your wife hold a more significant place in your life?
I am guessing it will be the latter.
When you married your wife, you took some vows. You probably promised her to always make her happy. It is time to do the right thing and make good on that promise. 🙂
You need to understand that your habits will keep changing as you grow older in life.
However, your wife is somebody who will stay with you through everything.
There is love between you two and the relationship you share is sacred.
So, it is definitely not worth it to waste it due to something as trivial as video games!
Now that you have accepted your fault, it’s time to take that all-important step.
It’s time to talk to your wife and convince her to come back.
Let me tell you straight away that this might not be easy.
After all, she has been hurt really badly.
She has been neglected and has felt insignificant in your marriage.
So, don’t expect her to come back as if nothing has happened.
The first thing you need to do is talk face-to-face with her.
Apologize to her genuinely and tell her that you are serious about making amends.
Tell her that you realize your mistake and are ready to fix them.
And more importantly, do not force her into anything.
Communicate that you respect her space and give her as much time as she needs to think about it.
You can also request more conversations, either on the phone or face-to-face.
Heck, you can even offer to take her out on dates if she is willing.
The point of all of this is to communicate that you have indeed realized your mistake and will commit to the relationship 100%.
Sometimes, your addiction can be too hard to get rid of.
Much like addictions to drugs and alcohol, it can be very difficult to not fall back into the same old routine.
If this happens to you, your marriage will be as good as over.
And that would be tragic, to say the least.
So, what can you do in this regard?
Well, one of the best solutions to this problem is getting professional help.
Find a good therapist and consult with them for as long as needed.
Most therapists are well-trained and have years of experience helping clients with problems relating to addiction.
They can surely give you the insights that you wouldn’t receive anywhere else. If your situation is too dire, they can also prescribe medication.
All in all, they can prove to be instrumental in helping you get back to normal.
If your wife decides to come back, she will obviously have some ground rules in mind.
After all, she wouldn’t want to go through the same pain again.
And you wouldn’t want that either!
Instead of being resistive, you should actually sit down with her and come up with some rules regarding how you spend your time together.
This will help manage expectations and set a path to repair the relationship.
It will also show your wife that you meant what you said about wanting to do better.
Perhaps one of the most important rules would be deciding how much you can game.
If things are under control and you can manage your urge to play video games, you could probably spend an hour playing these games every day.
If that seems too much, you could decide to play only during the weekends.
Just talk among yourself and figure out what’s best.
This might seem like a far-fetched idea, but hear me out.
Your wife might not hate video games.
She might only hate it when you spend too much time playing them.
This, of course, would make her feel ignored and unimportant.
However, if she likes to play a game or two, you could play together!
There are so many couples who like to do this and they actually have a great time doing so.
In fact, you can make things a lot more interesting and play against each other.
There are many creative games where people can compete with each other in real-time.
This would introduce an element of healthy competition and could fill your relationship with some much-needed spice.
From your perspective, you would not only get to play video games, but you would also be spending time with your wife.
It’s a win-win situation!
So, float this idea to your wife and see what she says.
If you feel like you would remain addicted to gaming if you continue to play, you should do the right thing and quit.
There is no shame in cutting something out of your life if it leads to pain and suffering.
Especially if this pain is shared by someone you love.
There would be no point in your wife returning if your addiction would lead to the same result.
Another scenario where you might need to quit gaming is if your wife hates video games.
She might think that they are a waste of time and might be biased against them.
I understand that this is not fair to you, but if you are serious about saving your marriage, you might not have an option.
You could try talking to her and promise her that you would only be playing for a certain amount of time.
But if she is not ready to listen, you might have to take the high road and quit gaming.
One of the best ways to express your love toward your wife is to spend time with her doing things that she loves.
It could be one of her hobbies or watching a movie that she loves.
Now, it doesn’t matter if you have no interest in these hobbies of hers.
The point is to be with her.
After all that has happened, you should take the extra step to make her feel important and loved.
And what better way to do that than support her in her hobbies?
Plus, you will get to see your wife happy, won’t you?
I think that is a big consolation and a reaffirmation that you are indeed on the path to saving your marriage.
Perhaps the main reason why your wife left was that she felt unappreciated.
She felt as though she doesn’t mean anything to you.
Before leaving, if she ever said something like, “Why are you playing those stupid games?” it was actually her saying, “I miss you and want to spend time with you.”
Yes, women ( and men too ) can be indirect at times and it is up to the husbands to decipher what they really want.
So, now that she is back, it is time to make up for all that hurt.
It is time to pamper her and make her feel appreciated.
Of course, this should all be genuine.
To that end, you could go on amazing dates with her, take her on a weekend trip, surprise her with meaningful gifts, express your apology in creative ways, and do anything else that brings her joy.
Trust me, she will truly forgive you for what has happened and return the favor ten times over.