When you are in a relationship with someone, it is natural to have certain ideas and wishes about how things should progress.
You might want your boyfriend to love you unconditionally and care for you like an ideal partner.
You might dream of spending intimate moments together and building a strong and beautiful relationship with him.
However, when your boyfriend doesn’t want to commit to you completely, even after being together for a while, that might leave a sour taste in your mouth.
Suddenly, you start doubting his intentions, and your dreams may start to crumble.
Needless to say, this can create serious tension in the relationship.
So, what should you do when you find yourself in this situation?
Well, first of all, you need to be certain whether there are enough reasons for you to walk away.
And to do that, you need to first look at some telltale signs.
If you find enough of these signs, you should then make a last-ditch effort to save the relationship and make things right.
If that fails, you should simply walk away with your head held high.
16 Signs It’s Time To Walk Away
Learn to recognize all the signs to help you decide whether you should try harder or simply walk away.
In any relationship, one of the first signs of trouble is a lack of proper communication.
It is natural for you to expect your boyfriend to share his thoughts and feelings openly.
It is natural to want to plan your future together. If this doesn’t happen, are you even in a relationship? Or are you in a situationship?
So, if you have tried talking to your boyfriend about your relationship and he is always reluctant to do so, this should be your first sign.
Observe what reasons he gives for not wanting to talk about it.
Does he find excuses to go out whenever you bring this topic up? Does he say that he is busy every time? Does his body language change during all of this?
His unnatural behavior should tell you straight away that he just doesn’t want to talk about the state of your relationship and its future.
Maybe he doesn’t see a future with you.
Maybe he is just with you for the physical benefits!
I mean, sure, there can be legit reasons too, but how will you know if he doesn’t talk?
All you can do is create a safe atmosphere where he can open up without the fear of judgment.
But if he can’t communicate even after that, that’s on him!
Now, let’s say your boyfriend finally agrees to have an open discussion about this topic.
To do so, you need to select the time and place carefully.
Make sure you can both be relaxed while talking about the relationship.
And talk in a friendly and calm manner.
The sensitive nature of this topic can quickly escalate things if he perceives that you are attacking him.
Now, when he gives his reasons for not committing to you, listen very carefully and rationally.
Do not react immediately.
Just hear him out and form your thoughts and opinions later.
What he says might hurt you, but you still need to hear his side of the story.
He might say that he is not ready yet, that he is fearful of committing due to his past bad experiences, or that he is not sure about how he feels about you.
After having this conversation, things will be a lot clearer.
You will know where you stand, where he stands, and a general idea of what can be done to improve the situation.
However, if you get the feeling that he might not commit at all or that he might take too long, this could be a sign to walk away.
If you feel like your boyfriend isn’t committing even after being together for a while, you should give him some time to think about it.
- Maybe he has too much on his plate right now.
- Maybe, he is too stuck in the complexities of his career, or maybe some family relationship is taking a toll on him emotionally.
- or maybe there is another valid reason…
If that’s the case, you can try to let things be as they are for a while.
You can go about doing your thing and let him think about your proposition.
Sometimes, making an “official” request can push the other person to make up his mind.
Maybe he wasn’t even thinking about it before you brought it up.
If that’s the case, this will make him finally do it.
However, even after giving him ample time, if he still doesn’t want to commit or gives vague reasons for not wanting to do so, it is a clear sign that you should maybe consider walking away.
After all, there should be a limit to your patience, no matter how much you love him.
One of the reasons why men don’t want to commit readily is that they fear their independence will be taken away.
If you take a look around you, you will see many men who are essentially “whipped.”
These men can’t take any decisions on their own, and have to “talk it out” with their wives first.
Seeing men like these might make other men fearful of committing fully.
And you can’t blame them for that because who wants to lose their independence, right?
So, if this is the case, you should make it clear that you are not like those “aggressive” women who like to dominate their husbands and order them around.
Tell him that you are one of those who would like to have an equal partner in the relationship.
Of course, remember than action speak louder than words…. so show him that he can have his own “space”…. etc…;
However, if he is still not ready to commit, even after consistent assurances from your side, this could be a minor sign that it’s time to walk away.
Having healthy discussions is an essential part of any relationship.
It allows you to clear your doubts, solve problems at hand, talk about the future, and so on.
So, in one of your discussions, you should first make it clear to your boyfriend that you will walk away if he doesn’t commit.
When you are telling him this, observe how he reacts.
Does he dismiss it instantly? Does he become anxious? Is there any change in his behavior after you have given him the ultimatum?
The answers to these questions will be very important in telling you where he stands.
If your boyfriend still doesn’t want to commit and there is no visible regret or anxiety in him, this should tell you that he doesn’t really care.
Needless to say, this is another major sign that you should walk away.
This has to be one of the most hurtful things for any person.
Imagine loving someone with all your heart, doing things to make them feel special, being committed to them in every way, and all you get in return is being taken for granted!
Wouldn’t this just crush your heart?
Well, if that is your situation, I don’t see any clearer sign that you should walk away.
- What is the use of being around someone who can’t appreciate how beautiful you are?
- What is the use of being with someone who can’t understand and respect your love?
- Why should you be with someone who doesn’t care about what you want and what makes you happy?
You deserve endless happiness, love, and affection.
And if your so-called boyfriend isn’t able to give you all of that, so be it.
There are plenty of other men in the world who would consider themselves lucky to have you!
There is no such thing as a “perfect partner.”
However, there is such a thing called “red flags.”
They are signs of a problem or danger that needs your immediate attention.
A great thing about our intuition is that it is quick to catch on to red flags.
However, we also tend to dismiss them as “crazy thoughts of an overthinking mind.”
Well, let me tell you.
Where there is smoke, there is usually fire.
If your gut is telling you that there is a problem, you should at least think about it.
This is especially the case in your romantic relationships.
If your mind is consistently pointing out various red flags, you should sit down and think about each one. Heck, you can even make note of them in your diary!
And while doing so, if you realize that there are too many problems in your relationship, that should be a good enough sign to walk away.
Some common red flags are:
- Lack of emotional intimacy.
- Lack of proper communication.
- He is controlling in nature.
- He becomes distant without any reason.
- He gaslights you.
- He has extreme emotional reactions.
- He talks to you only when he needs something.
- You don’t remember the last time you felt love from his side.
This has to be one of the most frustrating things ever.
In the beginning, it might be overlooked because things are still new and both of you might be trying to figure things out.
However, if he still keeps giving you mixed signals after being with you for a while, that’s a clear sign that something’s wrong.
I mean, that isn’t normal behavior.
He might be all intimate with you one day, sending you all sorts of cute texts, hugging you, making dreamy love, giving you gifts, and so on.
And the next day, he might act so distant that you wonder whether he even knows who you are!
Now, this might be a deliberate attempt from him to keep you around while still not needing to fully commit.
Or he might have some behavioral issues that only a professional can solve.
Regardless, you can’t deny that it is frustrating.
This is similar to the above point but there is a critical difference.
In the above point, he only gives you mixed signals about his feelings for you.
But in this point, it actually seems like he is trying to sabotage the relationship.
Let me explain.
There might be a period where everything might be going well in your relationship.
Too well, in fact.
And all of a sudden, your boyfriend might start picking fights with you over trivial things.
He might suddenly start making mountains of molehills and even behave disrespectfully.
Obviously, this can confuse any person.
But there is one explanation why he might do so.
When things get too good, he might get scared that he will have to commit. And if he doesn’t want to do that, he will deliberately sabotage the relationship.
In his mind, this will prevent the “need for a commitment.”
Of course, this is highly messed up and a clear sign that you should walk away.
A romantic relationship is one where you know almost everything about the other person.
In fact, that is the beauty of this type of relationship.
Somehow, your partner becomes the closest person to you in the entire world.
Of course, this doesn’t happen in a single day.
It takes weeks, months, and even years to know your partner through and through.
However, if you feel like you don’t know your boyfriend enough, despite trying hard to do so, you might start questioning your relationship.
If your boyfriend doesn’t open up to you, you will obviously not know who he really is, what he wants from life, what he wants from the relationship, what he likes, what he dislikes, and so on.
In fact, you will feel as though he is just a regular friend.
Despite your best tries, if he still doesn’t open up to you, it might be a sign that he doesn’t want to get close to you.
Maybe he doesn’t trust you, maybe he doesn’t love you, or maybe he doesn’t see a future with you.
Whatever it is, this is another clear sign that you should maybe end things.
We humans like to keep making progress.
Whether it is a career, health, finances, or relationships, we like things to keep moving forward.
So, when you have a boyfriend who doesn’t want to commit despite all your best efforts and assurances, it is natural for you to feel stuck.
You would find yourself in an awkward situation where you can’t move forward, and at the same time, you feel bad about ending things.
After all, ending something feels like going back to square one, right?
In your heart, you wanted to start dating someone, then move in with him, then get married, and eventually have children.
However, you’re here trying to figure out signs of whether you should walk away. This, in itself, is a sign!
Whenever you talk about the future of your relationship, does your boyfriend make promises? Does he say that he will soon make up his mind?
Does he promise you that he sees a future with you and that there is nothing to worry about? Does he tell you that he loves you and would do anything for you?
Well, words are just words until they are backed by action.
So, if your boyfriend doesn’t walk the talk, he is merely making empty promises to string you along.
And he has no right to do that. He should either commit to you or be straight with you.
So, understand if you are being played and put an end to it for your own good.
If your boyfriend can’t keep up with his promises right now, how can he be honest with you your entire life?
A romantic relationship should be an equal partnership.
Everything has to be a two-way streak.
If you love your boyfriend, he should love you back the same. If you do thoughtful things for him, he should strive to do the same for you.
Both of you should invest in your relationship equally. Everybody knows this, but we sometimes compromise on it for the sake of saving our relationships.
However, if you constantly feel like things are one-sided, what is the point of continuing that relationship?
And, realistically speaking, how long can you carry on like this? Sooner or later, you will have to realize your worth and move on with your life.
So, if your boyfriend or husband isn’t ready to put in the effort and consider you an equal, that should tell you about his intentions. And there’s no clearer sign than this.
This is where things get serious.
When your boyfriend refuses to commit to you, even after spending a considerable amount of time with you, that raises a few questions.
Why isn’t he ready to commit? Does he not love me? If not, why is he still with me? If yes, why aren’t we moving forward?
Eventually, you might begin to suspect that there might be someone else in his life.
I am not saying that that’s the case, but obviously, it is one of the possibilities.
When you start thinking on this line, your trust in him starts to erode. You begin questioning everything he says and does.
When you reach this stage, it is as good as over.
After all, trust is one of the most important pillars on which a relationship stands. If there is no trust, there is no point in being together.
Do you find yourself fantasizing about someone at work or a friend?
Do you find yourself wondering how your life would be if you freely pursued one of your dreams instead of wasting your time wondering about your relationship?
Well, if yes, you’re not at fault.
Being with someone who doesn’t care about you and keeps stringing you along can be frustrating. It can make you feel trapped and dissatisfied with life. This, in turn, can make you fantasize about all sorts of scenarios.
If you catch yourself doing this, know that your subconscious mind wants to break free.
It wants you to move on with your life and look for greener pastures.
People often say that love is blind.
Essentially, this means that we tend to overlook the flaws of the person we love and exaggerate their good qualities.
So, even if the other person is not right for us, we may keep trying to convince ourselves that they are indeed perfect.
This is where your loved ones come in.
Often, they can tell whether someone is right for you or not.
They can take an objective view of your boyfriend or husband and give you their opinions. So, if your family members or close friends are telling you that you deserve better, you should take that as a sign.
Of course, your loved ones can make mistakes too.
But, if you add their observations to your own, you can make an informed decision about your life…..
What To Do When He Won’t Commit
Now, after observing all (or some) of the above signs, you might want to end things right away.
You might decide that the best thing for your mental and emotional health would be to move on with your life.
Or, you might want to give him one last chance to make things right.
Your love for him might make you wish that he would change his ways and open his heart to you, once and for all.
So, what should you actually do?
Well, as with most things in life, go with your gut instinct.
Do what you think is right.
If you need more time, take it.
If you are undecisive, you can enter into a “decision-making” period where you are neither together nor broken up.
Let’s see some of the things you can do during this period.
Sometimes, you need a break to figure out the way forward.
Perhaps the best way to do that is to stay somewhere else for a while. It could be at your parents’ house, your own house, or at one of your friends.
The change in location will create a distance from your boyfriend, and that will help you think more clearly.
You can use this time to take care of your physical and mental health.
You might have gone through a lot of negative emotions with your boyfriend and it is time to clean all of that up.
Staying away will also send a message to your boyfriend that you are serious about the issue.
It might just make him realize what he will be losing, and that might motivate him to make things right.
So, take as long as you need and think about how you want to proceed.
When you are on your break, it’s important to establish boundaries.
Let him know that you won’t give him the benefits of a committed relationship without the commitment.
Tell him that you can’t be emotionally available for him when all he does is take you for granted.
While you are making up your mind about what to do next, ask him to respect your boundaries and take his own time to think about your relationship.
This might seem harsh, but it is necessary.
This might just be the wake-up call he needs to get his act together.
Either that, or he will finally admit that he doesn’t want to be with you long-term.
It’s a win-win situation for you!
This might take a lot of patience on your part, but if you are undecided about what you should do, you might as well have a last discussion with him.
Make sure he knows that this is the last chance he has to express his thoughts for the future clearly.
Tell him that he can be brutally honest and that all you want is clarity.
Chances are, he will be honest with you about why he isn’t ready to commit. He might also tell you what type of relationship he wants to continue with you and what the future holds for your partnership.
Or… he might answer vaguely.
Regardless, you will get the clarity you need and that will help you make the final decision.
Relationship experts can be of great help when you are dealing with a messy situation.
They have experience handling all sorts of people and all sorts of relationships.
So, I am sure they can help you as well.
It might seem a little weird to consult a relationship coach, but it might be necessary if you just can’t decide what to do next.
On the one hand, your boyfriend’s refusal to commit tells you that you should move on. On the other hand, your love for him might make it difficult to do so.
So, talk to a relationship or love expert and help them help you. They will provide you with unique insights and advice.
Their support will help you maneuver the complications of your relationship and clear a path to the future.
After trying everything, if you feel like there is no future with your boyfriend, it is best to end things officially.
You don’t have to regret doing this, and you certainly don’t have to feel guilty.
Remember, you were the one who wanted a long-term relationship where you both commit to each other. You were the one who gave your boyfriend countless chances to make things right.
Just speak with him in a calm manner and let him know that it is officially over.
Yes, it will be nerve-racking, but you have to do it for your own good.
You owe that to yourself, don’t you?
What If He Fights For You?
Now, when you officially end things with your boyfriend and move on with your life, he might do something unexpected.
He might fight for you and ask that you forgive him.
He might say that he realizes his mistake and would love to get back with you. He might even promise to be the most ideal boyfriend and a great future husband.
Obviously, this would leave you confused.
On the one hand, your boyfriend has taken a lot out of you, and you just want to be done with him. But on the other hand, he is now saying all the things that you had always wanted to hear from him.
And a part of you might think that it would be easy to just get back with him than to build a whole new relationship with someone else.
So, what should you do in this situation? Well, let’s take a look.
Before giving him a chance, ask yourself, is he even worth it?
Were his actions justified in any way? Can you forgive all the things he has done to make you unhappy? And, has he really realized your value, or is he just saying sweet things to keep you around longer?
You can go over your entire history together and see what your mind tells you. Think about it very rationnally.
You don’t want to waste any more of your time. And you certainly don’t want to invest emotions into a relationship that will go nowhere.
Also, keep in mind that you don’t have to make a decision immediately.
You can take your time to think about it.
2) Think About Whether The Relationship Is Worth It
Often, we don’t think about our relationships clearly when we are with someone.
However, when we break things off and spend time alone, we start to understand all the things that were wrong with the relationship.
We realize that we should have broken things off much earlier.
So, now that you have had time after separating from your ex, you can think more clearly about your relationship with him.
Was it worth it? If he is fighting for you and asking you to get back together, you can remind yourself of everything that happened with him. You can even date a few people to remind yourself how beautiful a romantic relationship can and should be.
Sometimes, you can remain in a state of limbo because you don’t really know what you want.
So, for your own sake, you need to figure out what you want to do with your future. What are your values? What are your dreams? What do you hope to achieve in this life?
Then, think about whether your ex fits into your idea of the future.
Is he aligned with your principles? Can he be a supporting partner to help you realize your dreams? Or will he actually serve as a hindrance? The answers to these questions will help you make up your mind.
How To Cope If Your Relationship Does End
Breakups are a part of life.
As much as we hate them, we can’t deny them.
When it doesn’t work with someone, there is nothing else you can do.
In a way, a breakup helps us get a fresh new start.
Yes, it’s painful, but you have to go through it regardless. So, if your relationship finally ends, you can do the following to make the healing process easier.
Since you were in a relationship for a while, you might have become habituated to focusing on your ex and the relationship itself.
This might have led you to neglect your own needs and desires.
Well, it’s time to make yourself a priority again.
You need to heal from everything that happened with your ex. You need to be happy and at peace again.
So, take things slow for a while.
Focus on your physical and mental health. Treat yourself in every way you can. Spend more time with your friends and family. Spend more time in nature.
But more importantly, get to know yourself better.
Every experience in life tells us more about ourselves.
Especially a relationship.
So, think about how you were before you met your ex, how you were when you were with him, and whether you were your authentic self or not.
Think about the mistakes you made and learn from them. Plan how you want your future self to be.
Breakups are hard.
Even if it is you who initiated one.
After all, you invested a lot of time, effort, and emotions into the relationship. And you tried your best to make things work.
So, to see it all amount to nothing is definitely going to hurt.
You had strong feelings for him, you had dreams and desires. You had a vision of the future with him.
And now, it’s all gone.
This can give rise to complex emotions.
And you might feel terrible for a while.
Give yourself time to process your feelings. And whatever you do, don’t suppress them.
Sooner or later, they will resurface again and cause harm in the future.
So, it’s better to deal with them right now and grow stronger as a result.
Wise people always say that nothing is wasted.
Even our failures teach valuable lessons to us.
So, now that you have ended a relationship where you weren’t happy, it’s time to see what you can learn from it.
The most important thing that you will probably learn is what you don’t want in a relationship.
You will now be crystal clear on what type of men to avoid.
In my opinion, this is a good thing.
It will help you make better decisions in the future.
You will become more careful about whom to date and share your life with.
And you will be more confident in what you want out of a relationship.
Sooner or later, this will help you find the right partner.
Being single has a lot of benefits.
I am sure you must have thought about it when you were dealing with difficult times in your relationship.
Heck, even when people are perfectly happy with their partners, they still sometimes miss the good old days when they were single and completely free!
So, now that you are single, enjoy this time. Enjoy the freedom and the independence. You no longer have to think about someone else’s needs or modify your routine in any way.
You can eat what you want, sleep when you want, watch what you want, meet whoever you want, and so on.
If you have been putting off trying new activities, now is the perfect time to try them! You are back in control of your life, and you should enjoy every second of it.
This is perhaps one of the most important things you can do after you get out of a bad relationship.
As long as you are in contact with your ex, you will always have a link to your past.
And moving on with your life will become much harder.
And, subconsciously, you might always be thinking about the possibility of getting back with them. Also, the toxicity may never leave your life!
I am not saying that all exes are bad.
There are many people who are good friends with their ex.
But when you are looking to get a fresh start and live your life peacefully and happily, it’s better if you cut all contact with your ex, at least for a while.
That will make the healing process much easier.
I hope this guide helped you decide whether you want to walk away or try harde. whatever your decide, juste remember to focus on your needs …..