“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – Friedrich Nietzsche.
I think this quote pretty much sums up what lies can do to any relationship.
And the funny thing is, every person on this planet lies.
It’s human nature to lie.
Maybe that’s why human relationships are so complex and messy. People just can’t be straight with each other.
Even if they have no bad intentions, they tend to lie for numerous reasons.
And while all relationships suffer due to this habit of ours, it’s marriages that get impacted the most.
After all, a marriage is a bond of trust.
And nothing shatters trust more than lies.
Therefore, it’s important to know what lies can do to a marriage.
This can help prevent a terrible fate from falling upon you!
1) Lies Destroy Trust
A marriage requires the absolute union of two souls.
And that can’t happen without them trusting each other fully.
Therefore, trust becomes the foundation on which this relationship is based. Without this vital component, things become unstable quickly.
Problems arise out of nowhere, and everything takes a turn for the worse.
Lying is one of the most harmful things to trust.
Just imagine finding out that your partner has lied to you about something. Even if it’s about a relatively small thing, it hurts somewhat. And when it’s about something big, you feel as though your very world is being shaken.
That’s because lies directly affect the very foundation on which you and your partner stand.
As they say, broken trust is like crumpled paper. You can straighten it out, but it will never be the same again.
2) Lies Block Intimacy
Marriage is one of the most intimate relationships.
It brings together two people in such a way that they are completely open, vulnerable, and naked to each other.
Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. This is what brings color, playfulness, joy, and bliss into the relationship.
And this is also why this particular union is thought to be one of the most beautiful ones.
However, all of this can be ruined due to lies.
When someone lies to you, it leads to a psychological response from your side. Often, you are not even aware that this is happening. Suddenly, you feel like you can’t be let your guard down and be vulnerable with them anymore.
Suddenly, you start making all sorts of scenarios in your mind about their intentions, and the natural response is to build a guard around yourself.
This guard is what blocks intimacy from happening. It creates distance between the two people involved.
3) Lies Prevent Deeper Conversations
Any relationship is based on communication.
The better the communication, the stronger the relationship.
This is especially so with marriage. Couples need constant and meaningful conversations to keep the bond and spark alive.
After all, merely getting married is not enough. It requires constant work to get to know each other on deeper levels.
But lies can erode communication and pave way for disaster.
First of all, when you find out that your loved one has been lying to you about something, you start to doubt and can’t communicate properly about how you feel.
That’s because you go through so many intense and confusing emotions that it’s extremely hard to figure out exactly how you feel.
Plus, you also tend to shut yourself off because you don’t see the point of having those deep conversations when the other person might just be lying!
4) Lies Lead To More Lies
There is a famous saying that goes, “One lie requires a hundred more to cover it up.”
If you tell a lie, you will probably have to keep lying to cover up the truth.
Eventually, you reach a point where you have a mountain of lies and you can no longer keep going.
Not only because you feel guilty but also because you simply can’t remember the details of the lies that you have told!
As Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
Look, we all know that lying to anybody is bad.
And when it comes to your loved one, it’s much worse.
Why would you want to introduce such a negative element into your beautiful relationship? Why would you put yourself in a situation where you have to keep telling lies after lies?
It just doesn’t make sense. I mean consider the alternative. If you are truthful every single time, you don’t have to carry a huge burden on your chest. You can be who you are and focus on flourishing the relationship instead of saving it!
5) Lies Show A Lack of Respect
Respect is another important pillar on which any marriage stands.
You have to respect each other as individuals and also respect each other’s space, values, beliefs, goals, and so on.
And there are many ways we can show respect to our partners. One of them is by being truthful. Just telling the truth shows that you hold the relationship in high regard and won’t do anything to damage it.
Even if it’s a hard truth about your mistake, it shows that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions.
On the other hand, lies entail deception.
And deception, by default, is taken as disrespect. It shows that you don’t respect the other person or the relationship.
This creates a lot of tension between you and your partner and things start going south.
6) Lies Change How You Perceive The Other Person
This is perhaps the most damaging effect of lies on a marriage.
And it’s quite sad, to be honest.
You see, when two people come together in love, they see each other as beautiful creatures, both inside and out. There is love, care, respect, harmony, and intimacy involved.
Over time, the couple works on their relationship to make it even stronger and more beautiful.
All of this immense effort can be messed up because of lies.
Think about it.
When you discover that the very person you love has lied to you, it brings out their negative side. They are no longer “pure and holy” in your eyes. ( ok you see what I mean lol)
And if they have lied about something important, well, it will make you question everything about them and the relationship.
You will begin to wonder what else they have been lying to you about. All of this can literally change your perception of them, and this can be the beginning of the end.
7) Lies Can End A Marriage
This is the culmination of all the above points.
It has been seen in countless marriages how lies can lead to the separation of two people.
It all begins with small lies that get bigger and bigger over time. As things progress, the two people lose respect and intimacy for each other.
They then stop communicating effectively, and things remain just for name’s sake.
Eventually, the very person you love can become the source of your problems. And when that happens, you obviously can’t live with them anymore.
And so, the end of the marriage is the natural next step. It will be dificult to fix it after that….