In any relationship, communication plays the most important role.
After all, we are not mind readers, and we need to talk to each other to express what we think and feel.
This is especially important in a marriage where things are so intimate.
So, if your husband misinterprets everything you say, it obviously gets really frustrating.
I mean, you expect him to understand you more than anybody else.
And despite your best tries, if he just doesn’t get you, that can lead to all sorts of emotional confusion.
Obviously, when this keeps happening, things can take a turn for the worse.
So, it’s better to mend things while you still can.
As they say, if you have a problem, nip it in the bud.
With that in mind, let’s talk about some great ways you can improve the communication between you and your husband.
- 1) Practice Active Listening
- 2) Learn To Be More Specific
- 3) Don’t Expect Him To Be A Mind Reader
- 4) Know That You Aren’t A Mind Reader, Either
- 5) Use “I” Statements
- 6) Tell Him That It’s Not Always About Finding Solutions
- 7) Let Go of Wanting To Be Right Every Time
- 8) Mind Your Tone
- 9) Put Yourself In His Shoes
- 10) Develop Your Communication Skills As A Couple
- 11) Let Him Know What You Expect of Him
- 12) Take A Break When You’re Fighting
- 13) Be Patient While Giving Explanations
- 14) Acknowledge Your Differences
- 15) Seek Professional Help
1) Practice Active Listening
You know, sometimes, you are so eager to express your own thoughts and feelings that you forget that the other person has something to express too.
At that moment, you don’t listen to what they are saying and are just formulating a response in your head while they speak.
This can obviously lead to a great deal of miscommunication.
It might also make the other person feel like you don’t value what they have to say.
If this is something you tend to do, you need to practice active listening.
And if it is something your husband does, you need to make him realize it.
Active listening is where you pay undivided attention to what the other person is saying, understanding it thoroughly, and then coming up with a response.
This leads to much better communication and understanding.
2) Learn To Be More Specific
Ask yourself, if your husband is misinterpreting everything you say, could it be because you are vague with your instructions?
Let’s say you ask him to get groceries from the store.
Now, he might not know exactly what he is supposed to get, how much of it he should get, and from which store.
When he comes home with the wrong things, it could obviously lead to arguments.
So, be very specific about what you want or how you want something done.
And make sure he understands it.
Also, don’t try to give long explanations about why you want something or why you want him to do something.
This is not relevant and chances are, he will forget about the more important stuff.
3) Don’t Expect Him To Be A Mind Reader
This is a common mistake that most people make.
They think that the other person (especially if it is a loved one) will understand them without needing to say anything.
I mean, sure… sometimes, your husband might understand what you want just by reading your facial expressions or your body language.
But, obviously, he can’t do that for everything.
And it’s not even fair to expect it from him.
He is not a mind reader, after all!
So, don’t expect him to know things without you needing to say anything.
I know, the idea of that sounds romantic, but let me tell you that it’s mostly the stuff of movies.
Just communicate what you want from him and how you are feeling.
Don’t leave him guessing, as that will only create more confusion.
4) Know That You Aren’t A Mind Reader, Either
Just as your husband isn’t a mind reader, you are not a mind reader, either!
You can’t know what’s going on in his mind at all times.
You can’t know what he wants or what he means all the time.
You might feel like you do, but you don’t!
This is true for all human beings.
Again, just communicate with him about what he wants, what he’s thinking, or what’s troubling him.
Don’t assume that he is annoyed at you when he seems frustrated.
Don’t assume that he meant to do something or say something.
It’s that simple!
5) Use “I” Statements
This point is relevant when you are having an argument or a fight.
Often, when things get heated up, we tend to point fingers at the other person.
In our rage, we just keep trying to make them realize that they are in the wrong.
As such, we make the whole argument about them instead of the problem at hand.
We fail to understand that this will only make them defensive, and they won’t be able to communicate well.
This can be handled in a better way by using “I” statements.
For example, instead of saying something like, “How could you do this? Why don’t you understand what I want?” you could say, “I feel really sad when I am not understood because I expect us to be on the same page.”
6) Tell Him That It’s Not Always About Finding Solutions
Sometimes, all you want is a shoulder to lean on.
Sometimes, all you want is to cry and share that intimate moment with your husband. Sometimes, you just want to vent your heart out when life becomes too much to handle.
But your husband might not understand this.
In his head, he might be thinking that he needs to find solutions to all your problems.
And so, this might make you frustrated.
It’s important that you tell him what you want from him.
Just tell him that you need him to just listen and do nothing else.
Tell him that you want him to be there for you and that his presence alone will help you relax and heal.
7) Let Go of Wanting To Be Right Every Time
I think we all have this need to be right every time.
In some people, this need is much more prominent, while in others, not so much.
In a relationship, this tendency can act as fuel to fire, especially during arguments or fights.
When you just want to win the argument, you will say anything and everything to do that.
You won’t care whether you are making sense or not.
This can obviously drive a wedge between you and your husband.
And so, you need to realize that winning is not everything.
Nobody is right all the time.
And it’s about choosing which battles to fight and which to let slide.
Instead of trying to prove yourself right, it’s a better idea to listen to your husband patiently and then respond (not react) with facts.
8) Mind Your Tone
Even the loveliest of things said in the wrong tone can sound ugly.
Imagine saying to your husband in a sarcastic tone, “You are such a great guy, John.”
Even though it’s a compliment, your tone will give him the opposite impression.
So, it’s important to pay attention to your tone.
Notice whether you are being aggressive or hostile when you don’t actually intend to.
If you keep a calm tone, even your arguments won’t feel like arguments.
And your communication will become much better.
If your husband has a problem with his tone, ask him to address it.
Do it together, so he doesn’t feel like you are attacking him in some way!
9) Put Yourself In His Shoes
I often feel like we would all get along so well if we could just understand each other’s perspectives better.
I mean, all humans are different, and everybody thinks in their own way. So, we have to put in the effort to understand where they are coming from.
The same applies to you and your husband too!
So, when your husband doesn’t react to something with the same intensity as you, please know that he has his own perspective.
He might not feel like that situation warrants a similar reaction.
For example, if your neighbor makes a joke that you think is inappropriate, you can’t expect your husband to think or react the same way. Maybe he finds it hilarious!
10) Develop Your Communication Skills As A Couple
Marriage is all about teamwork.
So, why not apply this to your communication skills too?
There are so many resources available online as well as offline that can help you both enhance the way you communicate and interact with each other.
There are books, podcasts, exercises, videos, and much more that you can consume together.
Then you can practice what you learn together and become master communicators.
This will not only help you understand each other better but your love and appreciation for each other will grow as well.
You could become one of those couples that seem to have a psychic connection with each other!
11) Let Him Know What You Expect of Him
This is kind of similar to the third point above (about being a mind reader), but this one is specifically about your expectations.
Look, in a relationship, you might expect a million things from your partner.
You might do this consciously or subconsciously.
This is completely normal.
But what is not normal is assuming that your husband will just know about all of these like magic.
No, he won’t.
And neither will you about his expectations.
So, just sit him down, and talk to him about what you expect of him.
Be open and honest.
Only when he knows these expectations will he be able to fulfill them.
And when he does, you will feel loved and cared for.
See, that’s not too hard, is it?
12) Take A Break When You’re Fighting
Fights can be quite damaging to your relationship.
Sure, they allow you to get all your frustration out, but they also hurt both of you.
Also, if you don’t pause a fight, it can keep escalating and turn into a toxic pile of mess.
This is why, when you feel like a particular fight is going nowhere, it’s better to hit the brakes. Just agree to take a break and take some time to cool down.
Then, you can revisit the issue at hand in a calm manner.
Know that it’s not about him; it’s about the problem.
Remind him that you love each other and nothing is worth ruining that for.
Then work together to find common ground and feel loved again 🙂
13) Be Patient While Giving Explanations
Your husband might not understand you at times.
Something that is simple for you might be really complex for him.
So, even if he tries his best, he might not get it straight away.
When this happens, be patient with him and explain things as best as you can.
Know that you might have to repeat yourself, and that is okay!
Think of it as explaining something to a five-year-old. ( ok maybe not that young haha)
You don’t get angry when they don’t understand, do you?
In fact, you try different ways of communicating with them.
Do this with your husband too.
After all, you would want him to do the same if things were reversed, wouldn’t you?
14) Acknowledge Your Differences
You and your husband are two different people.
Naturally, you will like different things and hate different things.
This is completely normal.
You can enjoy doing things you love, and so can he.
It’s better to acknowledge these differences instead of expecting to always enjoy things together.
For example, if he likes playing video games, and you hate it, that’s okay!
Let him have his fun time.
If you like painting in your free time, and he finds it messy, so be it!
He should let you have your fun time.
Accept these differences.
15) Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, there is no other solution but to seek professional help.
There are many well-qualified relationship counselors out there and you can approach one to help you out.
But before that, communicate with your husband that this is the best course of action for your relationship.
Tell him that you want to do this to nurture and strengthen your marriage.
And when you start seeing a counselor, make sure you follow their advice.
Be honest and share what you need to.
Encourage your husband to do the same.
In the end, your counselor will understand the roots of the problem and give you the perfect solution for it.
Of course, need less to say to avoid lies as they could really impact your marriage…..