Jealousy is an emotion that we all experience from time to time.
It is a normal thing and you don’t need to feel guilty for going through it at times.
I mean, when someone at work gets a promotion even though you worked much harder, it’s normal to feel jealous.
When your neighbor buys the car of your dreams, again, it’s normal to feel jealous.
If you use your jealousy wisely, it can help you make a lot of progress.
All you need to do is convert it into positive motivation to do better and achieve what you really want to. But that’s not what most people do.
Usually, jealousy takes an ugly form and becomes a cause for conflict, especially in relationships. It might also decrease your sense of self-worth and make you highly insecure.
As such, if you want to address this issue and make sure jealousy doesn’t do harm to you or your loved ones, you first need to understand why you are so jealous and insecure in the first place.
Let’s take a look at some reasons why.
1) You Regularly Compare Yourself To Others
It is quite natural to compare yourself with other people. Check our article about how to stop comparing yourself to others Here.
As a member of society, you naturally want to measure how well you’re doing in the various areas of life compared to others.
This can give you a wake-up call if you are lagging behind in some areas.
However, this can also be a major reason for your jealousy and insecurity.
In today’s society, we are bombarded with images of people who appear to have perfect lives, perfect bodies, and perfect relationships. Social media platforms have only made this worse.
It is natural to feel jealous of so-called “perfect” people. That’s because you are bound to feel inferior to them. Even if you are doing well, you might feel like you’re a failure.
But in doing so, you don’t realize that this image of perfection is nothing but an illusion created by companies to sell you goods and services.
2) You Might Have A Low Self-Esteem
This is one of the most common underlying causes of jealousy and insecurity.
When you have low self-esteem, you live with a constant feeling that you are not enough.
Whether it is your relationships, career, health, or any other aspect of your life, you always feel like you are not good enough.
This can obviously lead to feelings of jealousy and insecurity because when you look at other people, you feel like they have it all figured out. You will see them as successful and think that they are the happiest people on the planet. You will feel like everybody else is happy except you.
Also, the thing about low self-esteem is that it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you don’t believe in yourself and your abilities, you naturally refrain from trying out new things.
And when you live life like this, you don’t accomplish much.
And when you don’t have many achievements under your belt, you naturally start feeling lower on self-esteem! check our article about low self esteem Here.
3) Negative Past Experiences
Our experiences shape us into the people we are.
For example, someone who has had a tough life is quite different than someone who has had an easy life.
So, if you are jealous and insecure, it could be because of some negative past experiences you had to endure.
These experiences can include past trauma, failures, bullying, abuse, and so on. They might have had a huge impact on your psyche and left you with a feeling that you are unworthy or inadequate.
For example, if your parents never appreciated you for your efforts in childhood and always made you feel like you were inferior to your siblings, that can leave a lasting impact on your self-esteem.
The thing is, experiences like these do not go away until you consciously work on them.
They just continue to stay as a part of you and influence how you see yourself and the world around you.
4) You Might Have A Fear of Rejection
When you have a fear of rejection, your romantic life will definitely not be good.
For example, if you want to date someone, this fear will prevent you from approaching them. Naturally, when someone else asks them out and they say yes, you will be jealous of them.
You will also feel insecure about yourself.
This fear can also hamper your existing relationship. It can cause you to believe that your loved ones will leave you and cut all contact with you.
Even though there are absolutely no reasons for you to believe this, your fear will make you think this way. So, you will be jealous of anyone who tries to get near your loved ones.
This fear can also hamper your success in your career.
When you are afraid of rejection, you may be less likely to take risks, try new things, or put yourself out there in professional situations.
This can lead to a sense of stagnation and unfulfillment, which can fuel feelings of jealousy and insecurity.
5) You Have Unrealistic Expectations For Yourself
Think about it for a second.
When you have an unrealistic expectation for yourself, what is the most likely outcome?
Let’s say you set a goal to earn a million dollars in a single year while you are only earning fifty thousand right now.
What do you think the outcome of this will be? It will most likely be a failure, right?
I am not saying that you shouldn’t dream big.
But you should set your goals in a way that sets you up for success, not failure!
Otherwise, you will constantly fail at your goals and feel like you just don’t have it in you to achieve meaningful or big goals. You will feel like you are a mediocre person who should settle for mediocre things.
This can obviously lead to feelings of jealousy and insecurity… especially if you add comparison to the mix.
Also, these expectations can create a sense of pressure and anxiety that is very difficult to overcome. You will only make your life harder this way.
6) You Have A Lack of Trust In Others
Remember the point about past experiences?
This point is related to that one.
You see, sometimes, our experiences leave us scarred. Sometimes, when your loved ones or even strangers betray you, you lose all faith in humanity.
You develop a cynical view of the world, where you believe that people only do things for themselves and are inherently selfish.
If this happens to be your story, jealousy and insecurity will come naturally to you.
For example, you may feel like you can’t trust your partner to be faithful or honest with you. If a better person comes close to them, you will feel very uncomfortable and jealous.
In your mind, your partner would most definitely leave you for that other person because you’re not “worth it” and that your partner is selfish.
As you can probably tell, this is a negative way to live life.
Sure, you can be a little cautious about people and their motivations, but when it comes to things like love and compassion, you have to allow yourself to trust other people.
If you live with a constant lack of trust, you will remain in a cycle of negative thoughts and behaviors that can be difficult to break.
7) Lack of Support
You might wonder how a lack of support can lead to feelings of jealousy and insecurity.
Well, think about it. When you have a healthy support system and people who are ready to help you in whatever way possible, you will have a sense of security and safety.
You will feel like you’re not alone in this journey and that things will be fine.
However, if you lack this support, you will be in survival mode all the time.
As such, your primal instincts will have more influence on you and your behavior. This means you will have your guard up and feel highly insecure.
Also, in such a state of mind, it is easy to isolate yourself from the rest of the world.
This can make you feel like a loner and that people don’t have any interest in you. You might also feel inadequate, stressed out, and overwhelmed.
8) You Are In An Unstable Or Unloving Relationship
A little jealousy is common in most relationships.
After all, you love and care about your partner and you definitely don’t want anyone else trying to take them away from you.
Even if you trust your partner completely, other people’s behavior might make you feel jealous. And if you lack self-esteem, you will also feel insecure at the same time.
However, when you are in an unstable or unloving relationship, your jealousy and insecurity will be taken to a whole other level. This is because your partner’s behavior will make you feel like they are not interested in you anymore. You might feel like there is someone else in their life.
This is applicable to your other relationships as well.
Let’s say your best friend has been acting distant lately and spending more time with someone else, you are bound to feel jealous!
As such, the quality of your relationships is a significant reason behind your jealousy and insecurity.
9) Negative Self-Talk
We all have an inner monologue going on at all times.
Right from the moment you wake up in the morning till the time you fall asleep, this inner voice keeps chattering about everyone and everything.
Now, if this voice is predominantly negative, it is a huge reason behind your feelings of jealousy and insecurity.
You see, when people engage in negative self-talk, they create an internal dialogue that is full of criticism and self-doubt. Obviously, this leads to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.
When you’re in this state, it is easy to compare yourself with other people and feel jealous all the time.
Now, this negative self-talk often stems from deeply-held negative beliefs about yourself.
When these beliefs go unchallenged, they can manifest as jealousy and insecurity, as you feel threatened by other people’s successes or perceived advantages.
10) You Are Not Compassionate Enough
Okay, let’s talk about the obvious.
When you have a loving and compassionate heart, you don’t feel jealous of other people.
Let me explain.
Let’s say your neighbor bought a huge mansion and is about to move out.
Now, if you are the type of person who loves celebrating other people’s success, there is no question about being jealous, right?
In such a situation, you would congratulate your neighbor and happily go back to living your life.
You would not compare yourself to them or wonder why they managed to get their dream house while you didn’t. You would simply be happy for your fellow human being.
So, if you find yourself being jealous and insecure all the time, introspect a little and think about the type of person you are. Think about how much compassion and love you have for other people.
11) Attachment Style
Attachment style refers to the way people relate and bond with other people, especially in romantic relationships.
Different people have different attachment styles and these influence their behavior, decisions, and actions when it comes to relationships.
Now, people who have an insecure attachment style often experience jealousy and insecurity.
An example of this could be a person who is too emotionally dependent on their partner and needs constant reassurance and validation. More often than not, people with such an attachment style have a fear of abandonment that stem from early childhood trauma.
Also, people like these also have a hard time trusting their partners.
As such, they get jealous rather quickly even if someone else initiates a normal conversation with their partners.
Relationships like these often end up badly because it is based on fear and trust issues.
This makes the other person feel suffocated and they leave as a result.
12) You’re Facing A Streak of Bad Luck
We all know that life is a rollercoaster ride.
Sometimes, you have the best luck in the world and everything seems to work out perfectly for you.
And sometimes, the whole universe seems to be conspiring against you.
We have all had these phases, haven’t we?
So, if you find yourself in a streak of bad luck, you could become jealous of other people quite easily.
For instance, you might be the best candidate for a promotion at work, but your colleague might get it instead. Naturally, you will feel very jealous of them.
Let’s take another example of this.
Let’s say you bought a lottery ticket and somehow lost it. Later on, you find that it was your ticket that went on to win! Again, you will be jealous of the person who found your ticket and got the prize.
In cases like these, the reason for the jealousy is only temporary. Sooner or later, your luck is bound to turn for the better. And when it does, your jealousy also disappears.
13) You Don’t Feel Acknowledged And Appreciated
One of the common reasons why you might feel jealous is that you don’t feel acknowledged and appreciated by your loved ones.
Although we say that we don’t need recognition from our loved ones, the truth is that we all like to hear some words of appreciation from the people we care about the most.
This is especially true when you’re feeling low and need some words of appreciation to lift you up.
However, when you don’t get it, it can leave you feeling undervalued and unimportant. This can create a sense of jealousy towards someone else who is receiving the recognition or appreciation that you feel you deserve. This jealousy can be targeted toward your siblings, parents, or even friends.
Obviously, this can cause feelings of resentment and bitterness toward the other person, and in some cases, it may even lead to a breakdown in the relationship.
As such, you should really be careful in this regard, since it concerns your closest people.
14) You Are More Focused On Other People’s Lives
Sometimes, the simplest explanation is the most accurate.
The reason why you might be so jealous and insecure is that you just pay too much attention to other people’s lives!
And I’m not even talking about comparing yourself to them.
You might just have a habit of poking your nose in other people’s business and feeling jealous when they achieve something great (even if you don’t want to achieve the same thing in your life).
If this is the reason for your feelings of jealousy, you are bound to feel jealous all the time.
That’s because there might be countless people in your life and you will constantly be focused on their achievements and success.
The right thing to do is change the way you perceive yourself and the people around you. You should be focused only on your goals and dreams and leave other people be.