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Why Do I Hate My Friends And What To Do About It?

    why i hate my friends

    I don’t think I need to tell you how important friends are in our lives.

    As a wise person once said,

    “In the cookie of life, friends are the chocolate chips.”

    And you know how important chocolate chips are!!

    But seriously, friends are the closest people to you after your family.

    For many people, they are even closer than their families.

    Without them, life would truly be tasteless.

    I mean, can you imagine how your life would be right now if you didn’t have even a single friend?

    As Hellen Keller said,

    “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than alone in the light.”

    However, despite all that, there might be times in your life when you start hating your friends (or at least getting annoyed with them or disliking them).

    Yes, life is ironic sometimes.

    The very people whom you considered your best companions might eventually become intolerable.

    If you are in the same boat, you might be wondering why this is happening and what you can do about it.

    Well, let’s take a look.

    15 Reasons You Hate Your Friends

    a woman ignoring her friends

    Being hateful of your friends can put you in an awkward situation.

    You might wonder whether it is because of them, whether it is you, or whether a particular situation might be at fault.

    Also, your mind might tell you that you shouldn’t hate your friends.

    And yet, your heart just can’t stop feeling this way.

    This is why it’s crucial to know the reasons why you might have developed this sentiment towards them.

    Only then will you be able to do something about it.

    1) You Have Grown Apart

    2 friends having an argument

    This is probably the most common reason why we all lose friends.

    When you progress through life, each one of you takes your own path. Eventually, these paths diverge, and you grow apart without even realizing it.

    This typically happens after high school or college.

    Do you remember how close you used to be with some friends in high school?

    Then, when you all chose which college to study at, you just grew apart.

    From talking every day to talking once in a while to not talking at all, you just grew distant with some friends. The same might have happened after college!

    This is just how life is.

    When a common factor that links you to your friends disappears (like school, a shared activity, a common friend, etc.), you are bound to go your separate ways.

    And although this isn’t exactly a reason to hate your friends, it is certainly a reason why you stop being friends.

    The only scenario where you may hate your old friends is if they pursue things that you absolutely hate, like politics or gambling.

    2) They Have Hurt You In Some Way

    in life we never lose friends we only learn who the true ones are.

    Friendship is based on love and care.

    Although there is a good amount of leg-pulling involved, you never actually hurt your friends seriously.

    In fact, you protect them and support them every way you can.

    But life works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, the very friend that you trust with your life can stab you in the back.

    Haven’t we all gone through this?

    If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky.

    For the rest of us, we all know how painful that experience can be. Of course, not all hurtful activities are friendship-ending.

    Some might be brushed off, and some might be ignored straightaway.

    After all, we are all humans, and we make mistakes from time to time.

    Also, sometimes, your friends might not want to hurt you, but you might perceive it that way.

    However, if your friends continue to hurt you, you might develop resentment towards them.

    At one point, you have to wonder whether they have grown to hate you or just like to take pleasure in hurting you.

    3) You Don’t Like Their Personalities Anymore

    We are all constantly changing.

    The experiences that we go through and the people we come in contact with all shape us in different ways.

    Do you remember how you were as a child? Are you the same right now? Of course, not… right?

    Sure, some of your traits might remain permanent but your overall personality and attitude keep evolving.

    Now, this happens to everyone.

    Your friends are constantly evolving too.

    So, it is possible that some of them might develop habits and traits that you dislike or hate.

    They might become rude, uncooperative, bitter, and so on.

    They might start doing drugs, drinking excessively, or being abusive towards their loved ones.

    Sure, you should help your friends get rid of these toxic traits and habits. If they are acting out due to a particularly terrible situation, you should help them solve it.

    However, sometimes, there is no helping certain people.

    Their past experiences change them so much that you might not even recognize them anymore.

    If that’s the case, it’s natural if you start hating them.

    4) You Hang Out With Them More Often Than You Should

    Yes, there is such a thing called “spending too much time together.”

    As I said above, life is ironic.

    You obviously want to spend as much time as possible with your loved ones, but when you do so, you may start getting irritated by them.

    Have you ever observed this? Why does this happen?

    Well, when you hang out with someone a lot, you eventually start noticing all their annoying qualities and habits.

    Maybe they talk too much, maybe they make a weird sound while eating, maybe they cut you off when you are talking, and so on.

    Also, since the human mind focuses more on the negative things, these annoying traits can become the only things you observe whenever you are spending time with your friends.

    Over time, these may frustrate you so much that you start avoiding them.

    real friends don't care if your house is clean. They only care if you have chocolate.

    5) They Are Starting To Feel Boring

    It is human nature to get bored of things and people.

    I know, this makes us sound like brats, but it’s true!

    Take, for example, your favorite food. Even that eventually becomes boring if you keep eating it day and night. The same applies to your friends also!

    If you keep hanging out with the same friends and have already spent a lot of time together, you might know everything about them.

    There might be nothing else to discover. Also, you might have talked about all the common interests that you have, and there might not be any exciting new adventures or habits to discuss.

    This might make them seem boring.

    Also, if your friends keep talking about the same problems in their lives, you might eventually not want to hear them.

    This might frustrate you and lead you to stay away. This doesn’t make you “hate” them per se, but it certainly creates a little distance.

    6) Could It Be Your Fault?

    woman walking on the beach on her own

    Most of the time, when something is wrong, we may try to blame it on other people.

    So, when it comes to hating your friends, you might immediately try to fault them for it.

    After all, why would you hate someone if they didn’t do anything to you… right?

    But have you stopped to consider that the problem might lie in you?

    What if your friends have always been the same, but it is you who has changed over time?

    What if a tough phase in your life has made you into a bitter person who just doesn’t want to be around people anymore?

    So, you should also introspect and see if you are at fault.

    Maybe hating your friends is a side-effect of another problem.

    Maybe you are actually jealous that all your friends have achieved so much, while you are still striving. Or maybe, you have become more intolerant and highly sensitive over time.

    Looking inwards will help you know the cause behind your hate.

    7) Setting Boundaries Is Hard For You

    woman saying no with her hands

    Boundaries are important in every relationship.

    Even if it is with your spouse.

    Of course, you should have different boundaries with different people based on how close they are, but you should still have them.

    For example, when it comes to your job, you might say no to working on the weekends. When it comes to your marriage, you might limit how many times you visit the in-laws.

    Now, if you find it difficult to set boundaries for people, it is only obvious that they will get too close for comfort and ask you to do things that you don’t really want to do.

    This can lead to feelings of resentment and even hate.

    For example, if you haven’t made your boundaries clear with your friends, they might frequently ask to borrow money from you.

    It could also be possible that your boundaries are too strict.

    For example, you might not want your friends to talk about certain topics around you. Or you might not want them to drink or smoke around you.

    Eventually, when one of them ends up doing these things, you could take that as an offense. If they keep doing it over and over, you might also start hating them.

    8) You Have One-Sided Friendships

    One-sided friendships suck.

    If you have ever been in one, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

    Having a one-sided friend feels like having a small child who is always asking you for something or the other.

    Eventually, it starts getting irritating.

    Do not get me wrong.

    You should definitely help your friends whenever you can.

    As the saying goes, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

    If friends don’t help each other, who will?

    But there has to be a limit to how much you can do and how much they should ask of you.

    For example, if a friend asks you to borrow money every week, you might eventually feel annoyed. But if it is only once in a blue moon, that is totally fine.

    Also, in a one-sided relationship, your friends will never be there for you when you need them.

    When you ask for their help, they always have an excuse ready. This hurts a lot.

    After all you do for them, if they can’t help you even a little bit, that speaks volumes.

    And it can definitely make you hate them.

    9) They Constantly Gaslight You

    The term “gaslighting” has become really popular in recent times.

    It basically means to do something wrong and blaming the victim for it.

    For example, domestic abusers often blame their victims for their own violent acts. As you can see, this is an inhuman act, plain and simple.

    So, if your friends constantly gaslight you, it is only obvious that you will hate them. In fact, gaslighting is such a serious issue that it can hamper your mental health.

    People even go through anxiety and depression when they are constantly gaslit by other people.

    For the sake of your sanity, if you have such friends, you should end things with them right away.

    There is no point burning in the flames of hatred for someone who does not even deserve to be called a friend.

    10) They Bring Out The Worst In You

    a dispute between friends

    We may not realize it, but other people have a huge influence on us.

    They influence our behavior, attitudes, beliefs, ambitions, motivation, and so on.

    This is why it is said that you are the average of the five people closest to you.

    Now, depending on who the people around you are, they might either influence you positively or negatively.

    The ones who positively impact you will motivate you to be a better person, support your dreams, encourage good habits, look after your happiness, and so on.

    The ones who negatively impact you will criticize you every chance they get, belittle your dreams, encourage bad habits, and bring out the worst aspects of your behavior.

    Does the latter remind you of anyone?

    If you were thinking of your friends while reading that, you have your answer as to why you hate them.

    Nobody would want to be friends with negative people who can take you on destructive paths and ruin your life.

    11) They Are Jealous of Your Achievements

    Let me ask you something.

    When you achieve something in life, no matter how big or small it is, how do you expect your friends to react?

    You would obviously expect them to be happy for you and join the celebrations, right?

    But, instead of being happy for you, if they get jealous and start acting like jerks, how would you feel? Not good, I presume.

    Look, it is normal for a human being to be a little envious of other people’s success (even if the other person is a friend).

    However, the problem arises when you can’t even be happy for your friend and start acting immaturely.

    Friends are supposed to boost their friend’s success and motivate them to aim even higher. They are not meant to ruin your special days and put you down!

    If you have friends who do that, it is okay if you hate them. In fact, you should look for better friends who understand how much you have struggled for your success and are always there for you throughout the way.

    if you want how to deal with jealous people, read our complete guide about how to deal with jealous people here.

    12) They Gossip About You And Each Other

    women gossiping

    You might wonder how gossip can be a reason to hate someone.

    I mean, it’s just harmless gossip, right?

    Well, think about it.

    Gossip is actually a toxic behavior.

    It involves talking nonsense about a person and sharing details that may not even be true.

    This could lead to all sorts of terrible consequences.

    People have gotten divorced, lost their jobs, and even made enemies because of gossip spread about them.

    If someone gossips about your private life with someone else, mentioning intimate details just for fun, wouldn’t you feel bad?

    Of course, you would!

    Now think how you would feel if your friends did that.

    In your absence, if they spread rumors and gossip about you, you will feel betrayed. Your “friends” would suddenly start to look like bullies whom you need to stay away from.

    And you would not be wrong to hate them.

    Also, if your friends gossip about someone else in your presence, you can rest assured that they talk about you in your absence.

    Once a gossiper, always a gossiper!

    13) Their Beliefs And Values Clash With Yours

    I think you might have experienced this several times in your life.

    Every once in a while, you meet someone who has completely opposite values and beliefs to yours.

    And when you talk to them, you tend to get into arguments and fights.

    This happens because it is natural for us to want to defend our own views, which could lead to clashes.

    Now imagine this happening with one of your friends.

    Every time you meet, you start arguing because you are polar opposites!

    This can leave a bad taste in your mouth, and you might start hating them. In fact, you might wonder how you became friends in the first place!

    Of course, having different opinions isn’t a bad thing.

    And if you hate people just because they don’t think like you, you probably need to change your attitude.

    However, when two people can’t see eye to eye on most things (if not all), it is best to go your separate ways instead of wasting time on senseless arguments and fights.

    14) They Are Selfish And Self-Centered

    Don't feel bad if some people remember you only when they need you. That makes your decision much easier.

    It’s human nature to be a little selfish and self-centered.

    I mean, that’s how nature has programmed us.

    However, when it comes to friends, I don’t think there is any place for selfish behavior.

    Can you even be friends with someone who doesn’t care about you? I think not.

    So, if you have a friend who always likes doing things their way and keeps talking about themself, it is understandable why you would start to “hate” them.

    There is a limit to how much you can compromise and tolerate such a person.

    Sooner or later, you feel like they need professional help to fix their toxic behavior!

    The faster you can “break up” with such a person, the better it would be for your mental and emotional health.

    15) They Have Become Spiritual Narcissists

    Spirituality has been on the rise in recent times.

    And that is a good thing.

    It serves as a way for people to grow as individuals and ward off negative thoughts and emotions.

    This is very important in the world that we live in.

    However, there are people who think that being into spirituality somehow makes them better than everybody else.

    Let me explain.

    Some people, while meditating or doing yoga, have certain spiritual experiences. Or at least they say they do.

    Now, instead of delving into these experiences further for their own growth, they start believing that somehow they are special.

    They start thinking that they are above everybody else and that “normal life” is for dummies. This is so prevalent that it even has a word for it: spiritual narcissism.

    If you have friends like these, I wouldn’t fault you for “hating” them.

    It can be hard to tolerate someone if they constantly tell you how meaningless your life is and that you are beneath them.

    Friends are NOT supposed to do that.

    What To Do If You Don’t Like Your Friends Anymore

    So, now that we have talked about why you may hate your friends, let’s talk about what you can do about it.

    1) Figure Out What You Need From Your Friends

    sometimes being with your friends is all the therapy you need

    Since it is your life, you have every right of crafting your social circle the way you see fit.

    And for that, you need to do a lot of evaluation.

    First of all, you need to see what you need from your existing friends.

    Even though you hate some of them, would you be okay spending time with them in a group setting? Or would you rather meet them one on one? Also, will meeting less frequently solve the issue?

    If you decide that you need new friends in your life, you may want to look for certain qualities so that the same situation does not arise in the future. I

    n my opinion, the following four qualities are must-haves for the strongest friendships.

    • Dependable and down-to-earth

    This is straightforward.

    Having dependable friends means you live with a certainty that they will be there when you need them.

    You will no longer feel bad about doing things for your friends because you’ll know that they will eventually return the favor (unlike your current friends who act selfishly and only leech off of you every chance they get).

    And if they are down-to-earth, that would be icing on the cake. It’s always a good thing to stay connected to your roots.

    And if you have friends that can help you do that, well, what more do you want?

    • Considerate and helpful

    This is self-explanatory.

    You would obviously want considerate people in your life who care about and understand who you are, what your preferences are, and your unique situations in life.

    That makes things so much easier.

    For example, if you are going through a difficult time financially, you shouldn’t be pressured by friends to go to expensive restaurants or on vacations.

    And you should definitely not be judged.

    Instead, you would like them to understand your situation and act accordingly.

    • Similar core values

    Now, this isn’t always “necessary” per se.

    I have many friends who don’t have the same values, and yet they are the best of buddies.

    However, you and I both know that having similar core values makes things much easier and can help establish strong friendships.

    In fact, if you go back and remember how you got close to your current friends, you might realize that it was due to common interests or beliefs.

    I mean, if you are a gamer, and find another person who loves playing video games, you might hit it off immediately!

    • Fun and genuine

    I think you will agree with me that friends add colors to our lives.

    Just having them around can make life a lot more interesting.

    To that end, imagine if you have fun and genuine friends. Imagine hanging out with awesome friends and forgetting all about your worries and stresses!

    Imagine never being bored because you are always doing fun and adventurous activities with them. Imagine never having to worry whether they are lying to you or trying to deceive you.

    2) Bring Novelty To Your Friendships

    Even the best of friendships can go through a so-called “down phase.”

    It is a phase where you might get bored with your friends and not want to hang out with them too often.

    You might not even want to talk to them over the phone.

    If this is the case, it doesn’t mean you have to end your friendship with them.

    Instead, you can take the initiative and bring some novelty to your relationship with them.

    For example, you can do new activities, join a sports club, join a music class, learn something new together, go on a vacation, play board games, and so on.

    Do not underestimate the value of little things.

    Sometimes, it’s the little things that make the most difference.

    They can completely change how a friendship looks and feels.

    They can even make your friendships stronger than before.

    As humans, it is in our nature to look for exciting new things. It is no wonder we look for the same in our friendships also.

    3) Communicate Your Needs Clearly

    firends are the family you choose

    I have probably said this a million times in my life but it bears repeating.

    Communication is the key to any relationship.

    We are, after all, social animals.

    It’s one of our innate needs to share our thoughts and feeling with other human beings.

    So, first of all, you should make sure that your communication with your friends is top-notch.

    If you have started hating them, could it be because your communication is lacking?

    If yes, you can take steps to improve it.

    Encourage your friends to share their innermost thoughts without any fear of judgment from your side.

    Also, remember never to assume things.

    For instance, you might think that your friends are upset with you or have started disliking you, but that may not be the case at all!

    Also, you should communicate your needs clearly to your friends.

    Yes, it might feel awkward doing so, but trust me, it’s the best thing to do for the long term.

    For example, it is vital to communicate your boundaries. Tell them what you like, what you don’t like, the reason behind some of your actions and behavior, and so on.

    4) Open Up To Your Friends

    anything is possible when you have the right people here to support you.

    One of the reasons why you might hate your friends could be that you think they don’t understand you.

    While it might be a shortcoming on their part, could it also be that you haven’t opened up to them fully yet?

    Could it be that you fear how they would perceive you when you share the innermost aspects of yourself?

    If that’s the case, you should not blame them for your hatred.

    In fact, your hate does not have any basis in such a scenario!

    It is you who should take the leap of faith and open up.

    Take a chance and see what happens.

    If your friends understand you, that will only bring you closer.

    And you will no longer hate them. In fact, you will become more comfortable with them because opening up creates a certain intimacy between people.

    5) Try Acceptance

    2 women smiling

    You might not like this advice, particularly if you hate your friends, but hear me out regardless.

    Sometimes, we tend to focus too much on other people’s negative qualities.

    In fact, we are hardwired to do so for some reason.

    So, as far as your friends are concerned, could it be that you are overly focused on their faults and flaws?

    Could it be that you are blowing things out of proportion?

    For some time, try the path of acceptance.

    Think about your friends individually and try to examine their positive and negative sides both.

    Study what bothers you the most about each of them.

    Then ask yourself if you can overlook or accept some of these flaws.

    Ask yourself, “Are these flaws so intolerable that I should end my friendship with them?”

    Then go over your own negative traits.

    And see how your friends might be annoyed by your flaws and faults.

    This exercise should give you a lot of insight and a much broader perspective.

    It might make you realize that we are all imperfect beings and acceptance should be our first priority.

    Only when things get too out of hand should we take drastic steps.

    6) Distance Yourself Slowly

    friends come and go like the waves of the ocean. But the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

    If you feel like you can no longer be close to your friends, the best thing to do is slowly distance yourself from them.

    You can even use this as an opportunity to see once and for all which of your friends care for you.

    Those friends who don’t call you or don’t ask you why you have been hanging out less often don’t deserve to be close to you in the first place.

    It’s clear that they don’t really care about you.

    And so, let the friendship die down on its own by not initiating contact with them.

    You would be surprised by how effective this is.

    Also, you should spend more time by yourself.

    Get to know yourself better.

    Develop good habits that will improve your health.

    Develop new hobbies that will help you learn new skills.

    You don’t always need friends to do fun things.

    There is an infinite number of things you can do by yourself and still have the best time of your life.

    7) End The Friendship

    If you have tried all other ways and have finally decided that you can no longer be with your friends, the best thing to do is end the friendship.

    In fact, it may be your only option.

    What is the use of spending time with people whom you hate and can’t stand?

    This will only deteriorate your mental health and make life more difficult. So, cut the chord once and for all.

    It might be a little awkward at first and you might even have second thoughts every now and then.

    You might also feel guilt at times. But, sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. ( it is a bit like walking away……from a boyfriend that does not want to commit… – we wrote an article about that here haha)

    Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to make enemies out of them.

    Not at all!

    You can just be honest with them and tell them that you would like to end the friendship.

    However, you don’t have to tell them that you hate them and would love to get away from them.

    That would be harsh (even if they do deserve it). Just make the process as gentle as possible so that you can move on with your life.

    8) Make New Friends

    a group of 4 friends on a trip

    Once you are done with the old, you can make space for the new.

    This time, when you are making friends, remember all the qualities you would like in them.

    And don’t be in a hurry.

    Take your time and make friends as you go about your life.

    Don’t go looking for them. Let them come to you. Just focus on yourself in the meantime and grow into a better version of yourself.

    And do you know what the great thing is?

    You don’t need a big circle of friends to be happy and content.

    Just two or three good friends are enough.

    In fact, that would be more ideal in my opinion.

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