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He Left Me For Someone Else, Now What?

    he left me for someone else

    There are only a few things in life that can hurt worse than your partner leaving you for someone else.

    Needless to say, it is an earth-shattering event for any human being.

    When it happens, you are suddenly hit by a barrage of emotions, which almost feels like you’ve been trampled by a speeding train.

    In that moment, you just feel numb and rational thoughts escape you. Your mind gets overloaded and shuts down. Your heart becomes heavier than it has ever been and your body feels like it can’t even support its own weight.

    You will probably relate to all this if you’ve ever had to face this situation.

    The hardest part, though, is figuring out what to do next.

    That’s because you don’t even want to physically move one step forward, let alone move forward in life!

    But as they say, life must go on.

    No matter how impossible it might seem right now, you need to take action.

    In this article, I’m going to talk about exactly what you can do next.

    1) Have An Honest Conversation With Your Partner

    honest conversation between 2 persons

    It is the nature of the human mind to want to get all the answers pertaining to a particular situation.

    Until it gets all these answers, it doesn’t rest.

    The same applies to your situation as well.

    If your partner has left you for someone else, your mind must be bombarded with all sorts of questions…

    “How could they do this to me?” “I thought they loved me.” “Why didn’t they fulfill their promises?” “Was my love not enough?” and so on.

    So, the logical thing you can do here is to have an honest conversation with your partner if that is possible.

    You could talk on the phone or maybe meet in person. The latter option would be better because it allows you to have a deeper and more meaningful conversation with them. It also gives you the opportunity to get a lot of your questions answered.

    Keep in mind that the conversation may be emotional, so it’s important to be prepared to handle your emotions.

    However, make sure you are not confrontational. Otherwise, they might not answer truthfully.

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    2) Don’t Confront Their New Partner

    woman confronting another woman

    Think about it for a second.

    When your partner leaves for someone else, you might automatically start hating their new partner.

    In your mind, you might consider them the culprit who took your love away from you.

    Your trust in your partner may make you think that their new partner somehow manipulated them to leave you.

    Similarly, your mind might be filled with all sorts of irrational thoughts and theories.

    But you need to recognize that none of it really matters. Your partner left you. It was their choice.

    Whether or not someone else manipulated them doesn’t matter. If your partner really cared for you and loved you, they wouldn’t have done this to you.

    So, do not even think about confronting their new partner.

    Nothing good will come off it.

    You simply won’t get any satisfaction or closure from doing so.

    Also, in your anger, you might end up doing something that could escalate the situation. And you certainly don’t want to do that!!

    3) Don’t Blame Yourself

    man blaming himself

    This probably happens to most people.

    When your partner leaves you, it is only natural to wonder whether the fault was yours.

    Again, the human mind conjures all sorts of theories to try and explain the situation.

    So, you might feel like you have done something wrong or that you could have somehow prevented your partner from leaving for someone else.

    Again, blaming yourself is not the right thing to do just as blaming their new partner isn’t right.

    Doing so will only deteriorate your self-esteem and spin the situation in a way that is not fair to you.

    In fact, blaming yourself will only lead to feelings of guilt and shame, which can hinder your ability to move on.

    So, remind yourself that your partner’s decision to leave was not solely your responsibility.

    Relationships are complex and there are often many factors that contribute to their success or failure.

    Remember that you deserve love and happiness and that your worth is not determined by your partner’s actions.

    being left quote 2

    4) Vent To A Loved One

    2 friends looking at the sea

    This is a no-brainer.

    Most people in the world are not equipped to handle such a train wreck of a situation by themselves.

    And to be frank, nobody should be alone while dealing with such strong grief. It only makes things more difficult and healing becomes a prolonged process.

    Recognize this fact and vent to a loved one. Every person has at least one other person they can turn to in times of hardship.

    If you have more, consider yourself lucky!

    Reach out to your best friend, a family member, or even a colleague that cares about you.

    Talk to them about what you are going through and how you are managing the situation.

    Heck, you can even ask for their help.

    For instance, you could move in with them for a while to take your mind off of things. You could ask whether they’ve been through a similar situation and how they dealt with it.

    You could also hang out with them more often so that you don’t descend into the arms of overthinking and self-sabotage.

    5) Don’t Contact Them Again

    woman tempted to call her ex

    A lot of people make this mistake.

    In their bid to “win” their partner back, they contact them again and again.

    They try to meet up and even have “make-up” sex.

    If you find yourself going down this road, please know that you are wasting your time and doing something unhealthy that could blow up in your face in the future.

    Look, first of all, what is the point of winning someone back after they left you for someone else?

    If they truly cared about you, they wouldn’t have done it.

    And who is to say that they won’t do it again in the future? Can you really trust them to not go back to their new partner? Are you ready to live with that suspicion forever? Is this a healthy way to be in a relationship?

    Look, I get that it can be tempting to win them back.

    But for your own good, it’s important to resist the urge to do so.

    They have probably moved on and so should you. The longer you delay this, the more difficult it will be for you!

    being left quote 3

    6) Cry If You Need To

    woman crying

    There is no denying that going through this situation is very hard.

    It takes a huge toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health.

    You might feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster where you feel a little better for a moment and go back to feeling absolutely miserable the next. The range of emotions you may feel is truly wide. You might feel sadness, anger, frustration, jealousy, and so on.

    What you need to do at this moment is accept your situation and allow yourself to feel all these emotions. There is no use bottling them up or denying them.

    The more you do that, the more they will seep into your subconscious mind and negatively influence your attitude, behavior, values, and perception in the long run.

    It’s better to face them now and be done with them.

    So, if you feel like crying, do it.

    Crying can be a cathartic release and can help you process your feelings in a healthy way. Remember that it’s okay to not be okay and that there’s no shame in showing vulnerability.

    7) Don’t Try To Make Them Jealous

    woman trying to make her ex jealous

    When your partner leaves you for someone else, you are obviously hurt.

    Seeing them happy with someone else might deepen that hurt, even though you might not want to admit that to yourself.

    And so, you might want to make them feel the same level of hurt that you are feeling. You don’t want them to “get a free pass.”

    In this mental and emotional state, you might resort to making them feel jealous. You might want to show them what they are missing out on.

    As such, you might go on multiple rebounds where you have sex with multiple dates. You may even completely change the way you look and adopt a completely new (and sexy) dressing style.

    All of this might seem “logical” in your mind.

    But in reality, this approach rarely works and can actually backfire, making the situation worse. Trying to make your ex-partner jealous can make you come across as desperate or petty.

    And it can degrade how your sense of self-worth.

    being left quote 4

    8) Start Journaling

    person journaling

    Journaling may sound like a simple exercise but it is, in fact, a powerful tool that has been in use for centuries.

    Even emperors, warriors, commanders, and other historically important figures used to journal regularly.

    In the modern world, journaling is recognized as an effective way for processing one’s emotions and giving structure to one’s thoughts.

    When you write down how you’re feeling and what’s going on in your mind, you gain a certain clarity and perspective on your situation. You might understand the various aspects of your situation that you had simply not thought about earlier.

    Journaling, especially in the long run, can also help you identify patterns and behaviors that contribute to the difficult situations you land up in from time to time.

    Needless to say, you can use this method to get over your partner and start a new life without them.

    Consider setting aside a few minutes each day to journal, whether it’s in the morning to start your day off on the right foot, or in the evening to reflect on your day and unwind before bed.

    9) Talk To A Therapist


    Sometimes, things can be too painful to handle on your own.

    This is especially the case if you happen to be an emotionally sensitive person or have suffered some form of trauma in your childhood or adolescence.

    This can make healing a seemingly impossible task. In situations like these, it is advisable to talk to a therapist or counselor.

    Therapists are trained professionals who can provide you with a safe and supportive space to talk about your emotions and process them in a healthy manner. They can help you identify negative patterns in your life and help you develop healthy coping strategies to heal and move on.

    Additionally, a therapist can help you work through any underlying issues or traumas that may be impacting your ability to heal from the breakup.

    Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength and that there’s no shame in reaching out for support when you need it.

    10) Focus On Your Goals

    old typing machine with goas written on the paper

    Perhaps the best way to move on with your life is to start focusing on your goals.

    It is human nature to want to keep moving forward in a particular direction and you can use this nature of yours to come out of the painful situation you’re in right now.

    Now that you are single, you can invest all the extra time you have in yourself.

    You can use your time to pursue one of your passions, learn a new skill, do better at your workplace, and find a new sense of purpose and fulfillment in life.

    This is perhaps the healthiest way of distracting yourself from the pain of your partner leaving you.

    Also, when you focus on your goals and take things into your own hands, your self-esteem and confidence improve.

    And as you stack achievements over time, your sense of self-worth reaches new heights.

    This also positively impacts your relationship. You no longer feel the need to submit to other people’s whims and you can build a strong romantic relationship with someone that actually deserves to be with you.

    being left quote 5

    11) Start Dating Again

    2 persons on a date

    Okay, you might not like this suggestion at first.

    And it’s totally understandable.

    After all, your heart might still be attached to your ex-partner.

    However, when you feel ready, this can greatly help you heal and move on with your life.

    In fact, the moment that you decide that you’re going to start dating, you will notice a shift in the way you think and feel. Suddenly, your eyes will be set on the future instead of being stuck in the past.

    However, it’s important to approach dating with a healthy and positive mindset, rather than using it as a way to distract yourself from the pain of the breakup.

    Before you start dating, take the time to process your emotions and make sure that you’re truly ready to enter a new relationship.

    Also, when you start dating someone, you need to be honest about your past experiences with your new partner.

    Make sure they understand that you’ve been hurt and that things might be slow in the beginning.

    12) Start Finding Joy In Little Things

    beautiful sunrise

    When something terrible happens in our lives, we get stuck in a vicious cycle.

    We start focusing on the negative aspects of our lives, which further makes us feel miserable.

    And the more we feel miserable, the more we focus on the negative aspects. Therefore, it is important to break this cycle if you want to move on with your life and make way for positivity.

    One of the best ways of doing this is by finding joy in the little things. If you stop for a second and observe all that is going around you, you will realize that life is filled with so much beauty – the sunrise, the gentle breeze, the laughing of a child, the smile of a stranger, your friends trying to make you laugh, the first sip of coffee in the morning, and so much more!

    Allow yourself to be happy again.

    Try to do things that you love and bring you joy.

    Go hang out with your friends, eat at your favorite restaurant, visit a garden, watch a movie with your best friend, have a sleepover at your parent’s house with your siblings, etc.

    Slowly but surely, you will begin to heal and enjoy life once again.

    being left quote 6

    13) Engage In Self-Care Practices

    woman running

    It is easy to forget all about yourself when your partner leaves for someone else.

    And there are so many reasons you might do so.

    First of all, you are in such a bad mood that nothing matters to you at that moment. Secondly, you might feel like you don’t even deserve care… why else would your partner not care for you?

    Well, you need to recognize that this is just your mind going haywire.

    The truth is that you deserve all the care in the world. You deserve it from your loved ones. And you certainly deserve it from yourself.

    So, stop basking in self-pity and start taking care of your body, mind, and emotions.

    The best way to do this is by engaging in self-care practices.

    This involves eating a healthy diet, exercising daily, taking comforting baths, taking care of your skin, prioritizing sleep, sitting in the sunlight, volunteering for a local cause, and so on.

    Just make sure that you don’t get into any bad habits while trying to take care of yourself.

    14) Do A Symbolic Closure Ritual

    crystals and sage for a closure ritual

    After you’ve had a conversation with your partner, you might get some closure.

    But to be able to move forward in life, you will need complete closure.

    Trust me, just accepting and knowing that things are completely and officially over has a positive impact on your mindset. It helps you defeat your inertia and finally look toward the future.

    Now, there are many ways to find closure.

    You could get the answers you seek from your ex, you could forgive them, you could forgive yourself, you could grieve, and you can start making yourself your first priority.

    But there is one more way that a lot of people use to get closure. And that’s doing a symbolic closure ritual.

    This method involves getting rid of all their stuff and anything that might remind you of them.

    So, if you have their personal items like their toothbrush, shorts, belt, clothes, etc. you should throw them away (or donate them if that is possible). You could also choose to get rid of anything they might have gifted you.

    Another thing you can do is block them on all social media platforms and also block their number on your phone.

    Finally, write a goodbye letter to them and burn it or flush it down the toilet.

    15) Engage In A Spiritual Practice

    woman meditating

    For thousands of years, people have turned to spiritual practices to find peace and harmony in life. This is why even in the modern world, spiritual practices are so prevalent.

    People from all walks of life are seeking these practices to manage their stress and anxiety, get over their grief, and achieve healthy states of body and mind.

    You could do the same. If you have never engaged in spiritual practices, you might feel a bit weird at first.

    But you will slowly and gradually start to notice the difference.

    You will find that it is easier to detach from things, people, and situations. You will become more joyful and peaceful. And the very way you approach situations will change.

    So, what spiritual practices can you start doing?

    Well, you could meditate, do yoga, practice mindfulness, do breathing exercises, pray, do mantra chanting, read scriptures, learn tarot for guidance, devote some time to community service, and so on.

    Each practice has its own importance and benefits, but they all will help you find peace in life.

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    16) Figure Out What Lessons You Learned From The Relationship

    woman taking the time to think

    It is painful when things end.

    Especially when you loved them.

    Nobody wants to lose a loved one or a beloved belonging.

    But we all know that life is uncertain. It can bring you happiness one moment and misery the next. Sometimes, we don’t have an option but to go through difficult times.

    However, we also know that it is the difficult times that teach us valuable lessons about life and all its various aspects. And that’s exactly what you need to do after your partner leaves for someone else.

    Once you have processed your emotions, you should divert your attention to thinking about what you learned from the relationship and the situation you are in right now.

    I am not saying that their leaving is your fault.

    But even then, the relationship must have had some valuable lessons that you can extract.

    Your partner has done something awful but even they might have some good qualities that you can learn from.

    Over the next few weeks, you can slowly reflect upon the time you spent with them and identify any insights that might help you in the future.

    17) Read About Similar Breakups

    person reading a book

    We, humans, like to learn from other people’s experiences.

    It’s just in our nature.

    For example, when someone has been through the same struggle that we are going through in the present, it somehow makes us feel better.

    Not because the other person went through a misfortune but because there is someone we can look up to in order to get through our own situation.

    Plus, it also helps to know that we are not alone in our ordeal. Often, this is enough to help start the healing process.

    So, you should read about people who have had similar breakups.

    Consider reading memoirs, self-help books, or articles by people who have gone through similar experiences and come out stronger for it.

    Reading about other people’s experiences can also help you gain new insights and perspectives on your own situation, and may even provide you with practical tips or advice on how to move forward.

    Just remember that everyone’s experience is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. Take what resonates with you and leave the rest.

    18) Reconnect With Old Friends

    friends having fun together

    When your partner leaves you for someone else, you may tend to isolate yourself.

    This is especially the case if you somehow blame yourself for what happened. You may not realize it, but this can make the situation much worse for you.

    Staying alone during times like these can send your mind into overdrive and you will keep thinking the same thoughts over and over again.

    What you need to do is step outside a little and find ways to connect with people. One great way of doing this is by reconnecting with old friends. This can be a powerful way to find support and regain a sense of connection and community.

    Spending time with friends can help you feel more positive and uplifted, and may even help you gain new insights and perspectives on your situation.

    Additionally, having a strong support network can be invaluable during times of stress and uncertainty, and can help you feel less alone and more understood.

    So, reach out to old friends and schedule a coffee date or a phone call to catch up and reconnect.

    Don’t be afraid to reach out and lean on them for support as you navigate the healing process.

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