Do you know a person in your life who happens to be a narcissist?
If you do, you already know how different these people are.
It’s almost as if they are a different species. And to them, they live in their own world where they are the supreme beings and everyone else is like their loyal subjects.
Trust me, I know enough narcissists in my life!
Even medically speaking, narcissists basically have a mental health condition where they have an extremely high sense of self-importance.
Their behavior clearly shows how hungry they are for attention and praise. Another apparent trait of narcissists is that they lack the ability to understand or care about other people’s feelings.
So, having said all of that, do you think narcissists like to cuddle?
This might sound like a strange question and you might think that they don’t. However, there’s a lot of debate around this topic. Some people think that they are capable of showing affection, while others think that it is impossible for them to do so. Well, the answer is somewhere in the middle. While it might appear that narcissists don’t care for emotional intimacy, deep within, they long for approval from others and are highly vulnerable.
With that in mind, let’s explore this question in more depth.
1) They May Like To Cuddle More or Less Than The Average Person
Narcissists are really complex beings, aren’t they?
I mean, sometimes, you might feel like you need a degree in psychology to understand them properly.
Take, for example, the fact that they have deep-rooted insecurities and an intense longing to be loved and appreciated by others. This means that they would love to cuddle more than the average person because cuddling tells them that the other person does indeed love them or care about them.
But, at the same time, narcissists have distorted beliefs about human connection. Often, they like to use other people for their own benefit or to get their way.
So, even if they cuddle, they might do so to manipulate the other person. Also, since they don’t usually care about other people’s feelings, they might not want to cuddle with their partners since they don’t understand this emotional need.
2) Narcissists Don’t Like Feeling Vulnerable
A narcissist is basically a mixture of two types of personalities.
On the inside, they have this highly vulnerable self who is insecure about the different aspects of their life. This is why the slightest criticism can set them off like a bomb.
On the outside, though, they appear highly confident and self-assured. They can even seem charming to most people. This is basically a false identity that they create to not feel vulnerable. A narcissist hates feeling smaller or weaker than other people because they have to be at the top of their imaginary pyramid all the time.
And so, if a narcissist engages in cuddling, they become afraid and anxious because that brings out their true, inner self.
They are afraid that cuddling would shine a light on their weaker self that is afraid to be alone and is fearful of being rejected. So, they might avoid cuddling because of this reason.
3) Narcissists Don’t Like To Be Judged
I think pretty much no one likes to be judged or rejected.
But in narcissists, this fear is on a whole other level. Their vulnerable inner self is so afraid of being judged that they would rather be alone than be around other people. I mean, a person who is constantly seeking compliments from other people would obviously not want negative comments about them!
So, this often translates into them avoiding cuddling altogether. I know, this doesn’t make sense to a normal human mind. But to a narcissist, cuddling can result in rejection or judgment. The moment they cuddle, they feel vulnerable. And the moment they feel vulnerable, their anxieties are triggered.
In their minds, they create all sorts of stories about how cuddling could impact the other person’s behavior. They may think that the other person will start becoming more dominant in the relationship if they show that they need a lot of emotional or physical intimacy. They may also think that cuddling often could reduce its importance and cause the other person to reject them eventually.
As I said, narcissists live in their own world and have their own way of perceiving the simplest of things. They usually add drama to things and that ends up spoiling those things.
4) Narcissists Aren’t Comfortable With Normal Forms of Love
Think about it for a second.
What are the various ways you can show love to your partner?
You could say words of appreciation, you could buy gifts for them, you could take them on romantic dates, you could touch them intimately, you could take on some of their tasks to help them, or you could spend quality time with them. These are, in fact, the different love languages.
To a normal human being, these expressions of love are quite meaningful and anybody would love to experience them. Sure, different people have different love languages, but virtually everyone can appreciate the effort and care behind these love languages.
To a narcissist, however, these forms of love are “not up to par.” Since they think highly of themselves and consider themselves exquisite, they believe that expressions of love should also have a fantasy-like flare and magic. Naturally, they are highly uncomfortable with the above-mentioned forms of love. They might consider them to be “below their standard.”
This is outrageous, to say the least.
But it is what it is. Narcissists expect their romantic partners to perform grand gestures, incorporate drama in their expression of love, or achieve some kind of perfection! So, they would naturally be uncomfortable with something as simple as “cuddling.”
5) Narcissists Have Anxious Attachment Style
If you haven’t heard of attachment styles before, let me give you a quick explanation.
Basically, the type of attachment you feel with your loved ones as an adult is highly influenced by the type of attachment you had with your primary caregiver during your childhood.
This is called the attachment theory and it was developed by psychiatrists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1900s. They talked about the various types of attachment styles that children can develop. There are basically four types of attachment styles:
- Secure Attachment Style: This is the positive type of attachment that develops in children who are treated well and are made to feel safe and secure by their caregivers. They are communicated with properly and their needs are met on a regular basis.
- Anxious Attachment Style: This develops in children who are treated inconsistently. Due to the unpredictable patterns of their caregivers, they develop anxiety and uncertainty in their adulthood.
- Avoidant Attachment Style: This develops in children whose caregivers either reject them or are emotionally unavailable.
- Disorganized Attachment Style: This develops in children who go through trauma, abuse, or neglect. This makes them feel like they don’t deserve love.
It is seen again and again that narcissists tend to have anxious attachment styles. This means that they have an innate fear of abandonment, rejection, and judgment. They are also insecure in their relationships and they need to be continuously reassured.
If you think about it, narcissists basically swing between two extremes – wanting to be intimate with someone and wanting to punish them for going away.
As such, even though they like to cuddle more than the average person, they also may want to avoid it because they think that their partner will eventually leave. This behavior of theirs is basically a product of how they were treated as children.
6) They May Like To Cuddle Due To Their Ego
As I mentioned above, narcissists think too highly of themselves.
They think that they are above everybody else and that other people need to constantly please them and praise them. Basically, they have a big ego and they want it to be fed. One way they might achieve this is by cuddling.
When someone cuddles them, it makes them feel better about themselves. It makes them feel like they are perfect. They think that the other person is trying to please them. Either that or they think that the other person thinks highly of them, which is why they are cuddling in the first place.
Again, this might raise your eyebrow… but as I said, you need to think out of the box to understand a narcissist’s mind and behavior.
7) They May Pretend To Enjoy It
This might trigger you, but it is important to understand this.
Narcissists may or may not like cuddling. It differs from one narcissist to another.
But whether or not they like doing it, they will certainly pretend to enjoy it if it benefits them in any way. If you are thinking that this is purely a manipulation tactic, you are absolutely right!
So, if a narcissist sees that their partner likes to cuddle, they might engage in it with strings attached. Maybe they will bring it up during or after cuddling. For example, if a narcissistic person would like their partner to buy them something expensive, they will sneakily let them know during cuddling. They believe that doing so will increase their chances of success.
And if the other person gets swayed easily by emotions or intimacy, they can’t help but say yes to the narcissist. In fact, narcissists can take this one step further. They may get close to their partners and pretend to show lots of love and affection. But at the right moment, they will turn away and start withholding love. This makes the other person go crazy and do anything the narcissist wants so that they will receive love and care again.
8) Narcissists May Like To Cuddle Only In The Honeymoon Phase
Every relationship has that initial honeymoon phase where the two people shower each other with lots of love, affection, and care.
In this beginning phase, since the relationship is new, everything feels super exciting and so, there is a fairy-tale-like love story going on. But eventually, this honeymoon phase passes and things return to a more realistic state.
Now, when it comes to a narcissist, they might genuinely like cuddling during the honeymoon phase. This makes sense because it satisfies their deep longing to be loved, praised, and looked after. And they don’t have to be too vulnerable to receive all that love because things are already heightened between the two people in this initial stage.
However, when things return to a normal state, the narcissist may no longer want to cuddle. That is because, in their minds, the dynamics of the relationship change after the honeymoon phase.
Now, it becomes more of a mind game, instead of being a matter of the heart. As such, they may start using cuddling as a technique to get what they want as I explained above. Or they might simply get bored of it!
9) They May Cuddle To Stop Arguments
This might sound like a normal thing to do.
But since we are talking about narcissists, it is anything but normal.
As I mentioned above, narcissists have a fear of abandonment. They are also highly anxious about being rejected or judged. Now, even though they tend to be manipulative in nature, they can’t bear being left behind. This is where cuddling comes in.
When they start having arguments or fights with their partner, and they get a feeling that things are going too far, they might wave the proverbial white flag and resort to some intimacy. In their minds, doing so would solve the argument, calm their partner down, and make everything okay again. It is basically a tactic to keep their partner from leaving them.
In this case, even if they were wrong, they would have absolutely no guilt at all.
They would just be cuddling to stop the argument. This is kind of messed up because the root reason for the argument is never resolved. The narcissist simply doesn’t think that they are wrong, and so, there is no scope for improvement. This adds up over time and makes the relationships really toxic.
Check our article about how to fix a toxic relationship HERE.
10) Narcissist May Cuddle To Win You Over
This is even before the honeymoon phase.
When a narcissist starts dating someone and starts liking them, they are willing to do anything to win over the other person. At that time, they pretend to be the most ideal partner and act submissive in every way. This is mind-boggling because it is the opposite of who they really are as individuals!
Anyway, during this early stage, if they think that you like cuddling, they will do so. It doesn’t matter whether they like it or not. All they want is for you to accept them and give them all your affection.
However, when things become official and you become committed to them, they start withholding love and intimacy. This comes as such a shock because it is a complete 180-degree transformation. For a moment, you can’t believe what you are seeing because it feels like they have become a completely different person.
Basically, they do this because they think that it is their turn to feel powerful and the dominant one in the relationship. It is basically “payback” for making them do the submissive stuff during the early dating stage (even though you never really forced them to do anything). This is messed up beyond anything, but again, it is what it is!
11) Narcissists Use Cuddling To Train You Like A Pet
By now, you have already read some messed up stuff. But this one is even worse. Let me explain. If you have ever had a pet, you know that you basically train them using treats. When they do something that you would like them to keep doing, you give them treats. Basically, it is a way to model their behavior.
So, for example, if you want your dog to sit when you tell it to sit, you give it the treat whenever it obeys your command. And when it doesn’t do so, you don’t give it the treat. Over time, the dog learns that hearing the sound of “sit” means sitting down and that they will be rewarded for doing so.
This is the exact same technique that narcissists use to control their partners. And they use cuddling as their “treat.” So, when their partner is “behaving properly,” they cuddle with them to show their approval. However, when their partner goes slightly off script, they make sure to punish their partner by withholding cuddling.
And what’s even more messed up is that most partners don’t realize that this is happening to them. In fact, when they get the cuddles from their narcissistic partner, they feel euphoric, like addicts who just got their dose of drugs.
And eventually, this addiction becomes so powerful that they become totally controlled by their narcissistic partner.
12) It Depends On Their Mood
When it comes to a narcissist, whether or not they like cuddling may depend totally on their mood. This might appear like normal human behavior at first.
I mean, there might be days when you are stressed out and may not want to show affection or even receive it. All you may want to do is sleep peacefully. And there might be days when you are in a romantic mood and you may want to cuddle with your partner all night.
But narcissists tend to be very moody and their emotional states can change on a whim. So much so that they become totally different people in a matter of minutes! So, they might completely get turned off or even angry at the very idea of cuddling the one moment, and they might initiate cuddling with a lot of affection after a few minutes. And you would be left surprised as to what is going on!
Also, the other happenings in their lives and their overall levels of happiness also dictate whether they’ll like cuddling or not. For example, if their ego is consistently satisfied and people are praising them, they will be in a good mood and will genuinely cuddle with you like a normal human being.
However, if they are receiving even slight criticism from other people or they feel like they are not better than everybody else due to some reason, they will be in a destructive mood. In such a mood, forget about cuddling, they will not even look at you like a human being deserves to be looked at.
13) They May Love Receiving It But Not Giving It
Picture this. You meet your best friend after a long time. You can’t help but give him a huge hug. But when you hug him, you realize that he is not hugging you back. You would surely feel like something is off, wouldn’t you? Well, this is how a narcissist might behave when it comes to cuddling.
You see, narcissists want to feel pampered and loved.
And when you cuddle them, they will surely feel that way. They will enjoy it so much that they will completely forget about you. As I mentioned above, they don’t care or respect the feelings and emotions of other people. To them, everything is about them.
So, although they might love receiving cuddles, they might not want to cuddle back. They just don’t know how to reciprocate in life – whether it is cuddles, respect, love, affection, care, authenticity, or anything else. They live in their own world and believe that they are to be satisfied by their loyal subjects.
Check our article about knowing when enough is enough HERE.
